Headlines & Reality: Artem's Story Part 2

Part 2 of our conversation with Artem Chigvintsev. Dive deep into the complexities of identity, public perception, and the journey of healing in our latest podcast episode featuring a heartfelt conversation with the talented Artem Chigvintsev, who has weathered the storms of life and fame. Discover how his experiences shape his views on co-parenting, navigating through divorce, and the importance of understanding one's truth in a world that often focuses on headlines rather than stories. During our candid discussion, he opens up about the struggles of living under public scrutiny and how it has influenced his personal relationships, aspirations, and self-identity. 

This episode is not only about one person's journey but also serves as a reflection on the broader themes of empathy, understanding, and growth. Our listener takeaway encourages everyone to recognize the deep narratives behind what we see from the outside, emphasizing the significance of patience and compassion in our interactions. There are always multiple sides to every story.

Join us for this compelling exploration of life’s challenges, self-discovery, and the power of community support. Subscribe, take a listen, and let us know your thoughts! How do you define your truth amid the press of external expectations?

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🎙️ Hosts: Ilona Antonyan & Mila Arutunian
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Transcript

Artem 0:00

You read sometimes an article and the headline of that article has nothing to do with the article. I think we live in that time where we don't read the articles, we read the headlines.

When the Dancing Began

Mila 0:13

Since your divorce and with everything that's happened, what's your perspective on co-parenting?

Artem 0:18

You really have to think of what is best for him.

Ilona 0:22

Can you personally put everything that happened last year behind you and be friends?

Artem 0:29

I mean never, say never.

Ilona 0:31

What would you like to see happen in your life in the next 12 to 18 months?

Artem 0:37

I just want to be happy.

Ilona 0:38

Yeah, are you happy now?

Artem 0:41

I'm happy that I have my son. One of my coaches in dancing said this one thing whatever goes in your ear does not necessarily fly out that easily.

Ilona 0:49

Remember, you have your own aura and you either let people get to you or you know what you are, you know what you believe in, you know your truth and you just push it back out.

Artem 0:58

Do you really ever know your truth?

Mila 1:00

I think your truth changes. I think we change and develop and grow as people. No one knows what actually happened. They only see what they see on the tabloids.

Artem 1:10

They wrote about me like I'm a monster. I'm not a confrontational person.

Ilona 1:15

So you're a dancer, you're not a fighter. No, yeah.

Artem 1:19

I know where you're going with this. I get it.

Ilona 1:22

Welcome to the Glamorous Grind where law meets lifestyle. I'm Ilona Antonian.

Mila 1:27

And I'm Mila Aratunian. We are lawyers, friends and your insiders to the world of legal intrigue.

Ilona 1:34

Every week we're diving into our most unforgettable cases and sharing how we balance drive and determination with a touch of glam.

Mila 1:42

So, whether you're a legal powerhouse chasing success or just here for the juicy stories, grab your favorite drink, because we're serving up wisdom, wit and plenty of style. It's law, it's life, it's the Glamorous Grind. Welcome back to the Glamorous Grind and thank you for joining us for part two of our interview with Artyom Chigvintsev. We had such a wonderful time sitting down with Artyom and talking about his life, and we hope you enjoy this next part just as much as we did.

Ilona 2:23

We left off talking about the big changes Artom faced last year. He got candid about how those changes affected his outlook on life and how he sees the future.

Mila 2:34

I want to ask you a little bit about your practice as a dancer. I'm very into sports. I love everything from weight training to yoga. Into sports, I mean, I love everything from weight training to yoga. But you know, the amount of discipline it takes to be a professional athlete is has always been like very interesting to me.

Artem 2:54

I started dancing when I was officially, I'd say probably when I was 14. When I was living in Moscow, I remember I was in bed till probably about 1pm.

Mila 3:07

Wow.

Artem 3:09

Yeah, definitely woke up late. By four o'clock you in dance studio, and from four o'clock till midnight you just dance until you pass out, pretty much.

Mila 3:22

Sounds amazing. Where do I?

Artem 3:24

sign up. Dance until you pass out. Pretty much sounds amazing. Where do I sign up? It's not very. I think it's very productive because there is no distractions around it, I think why a lot of successful dancers come from like europe or eastern europe, or because there is really not a lot of distractions.

Artem 3:41

What you can do or like, what can no video games there is nothing else around in your spectrum that you would waste your time on. In a way, my parents did also help me a lot during that time. I remember my dad moved to moscow and he lived and we rented an apartment for like a month and a half and I was like I'm done, so you're here on your own, son. So in that time I was living on my own doing all the same things and again it's like, if I'm done, so, you're here on your own son. So in that time I was living on my own doing all the same things. And again it's like, if you think about right now, if I think of my son, that my son just bugger off when he's 16 and he does everything by himself, I'll be probably a little concerned. I'd be like whoa, okay, not even in the same town. I'm talking like 600 miles away.

Ilona 4:22

There's no cell phones at the time. No, no pagers, absolutely.

Artem 4:26

It's not like you can just instantly contact someone and get to like see them FaceTime. I mean like no, there was none of that things.

Ilona 4:33

Did you choose yourself or your mom?

Artem 4:36

No, it was purely my parents. It's actually a funny story how I got into dancing. My parents are the big believers that after school you have to find some kind of a hobby because you can't just, you know, go outside and play. So they decided to put me first whatever was popular back in the day. Those three things I think people did back in the day when I was born, I was growing up Play hockey, ballet or gymnastics probably. And I remember the first time I was like okay, you're going to go play hockey, let's try that one out. And I went to a few practices and then a pog flew into my face and literally like didn't break it, but it was pretty bloody. And so my mom was like probably not for you.

Ilona 5:13

They didn't give you masks.

Artem 5:16

No, not really. You know Welcome to Soviet Union. You're just like, yeah, go play, play tough. She's like okay, well. Then you're just like, yeah, go play play tough. She's like okay, well, you can. Then you're gonna go to ballet and believe it or not, actually they didn't take me really.

Artem 5:31

No, because they kind of look at you as a structure of your body. They look at you like how tall you're going to be, they look at you in a certain like turnout positions and how flexible you are and all of that. And if you kind of don't really fit the criteria to the fullest, they just don't really want you to waste your time, in a way. The next thing was ballroom dancing randomly.

Ilona 5:54

I remember you told me a while ago that you ended up traveling to Europe first, and from Europe you ended up coming to the United States.

Artem 6:01

So I did live in Germany for over three years and traveled Europe at the time as well, again, all because of dancing.

Ilona 6:09

Did you speak English when you came here?

Artem 6:11

No, I didn't.

Mila 6:12

Well, you speak great English now.

Artem 6:14

Thank you. I actually think I've learned better English when I was living in the UK.

Mila 6:19

You know what I sense a UK accent. I studied abroad in Oxford and I sense your accent.

Artem 6:26

It's actually weird watching videos. When I did Strictly Come Dancing back in UK it was I was like whoa, who is that guy? Because that was like a full on Brit accent, like British accent.

Ilona 6:37

I like Brit accent. I think all women like Brit accent.

Artem 6:39

It's scary. I was like whoa.

Mila 6:42

So let me ask you, since're divorced and um with everything that's happened, what's your perspective on co-parenting?

Artem 6:49

it's definitely doable and obviously the both parties you know put the best foot forward, accommodate the kid. In the end of the day, what's best for mateo is best for me, right? It's tough. Tough sometimes because you have to negotiate certain things, you have to be willing to sacrifice certain things, but at the same time, if you take your own ego out of it, you really have to think of what is best for him, not necessarily what you think would be best for him. I think that's the fine line, because we all base decision like right now speaking of myself personally base decision like what do I think is best for him, by purely thinking like how I would want it right. But you have to kind of like take yourself out of that and think what is actually he needs.

Ilona 7:44

Can you personally put everything that happened last year behind you and you know, be friends.

Artem 7:52

I mean never say never, but there's definitely needed to be certain conversation and certain things, acknowledgement of certain things. Yeah, I believe everybody can end up being friends.

Ilona 8:04

What do you think needs to be discussed?

Artem 8:06

this is just speaking from my experience hearing each other. I think it's the big one.

Mila 8:14

Empathy.

Artem 8:14

When I say hearing each other is not just say like, oh, I heard you, truly hearing and trying to understand why that is that, and actually try to feel like, oh, that's okay. I think the hard part because we live in such a different culture Everybody grown up different, Everybody raised different. Everybody have different culture. Everybody grown up different, everybody raised different, everybody have different values and I think that separates us in a lot of ways.

Ilona 8:51

And we forgot to kind of I don't know understand each other, and when you disagree with someone, it's hard to hear and acknowledge and process what they're saying and feel what they feel. I think it really somebody has to help you do that when it's about subjects that are divisive.

Artem 9:03

I based everything on the logic and like if there is no logic, it's very hard for me to understand.

Ilona 9:10

But you seem like a very calm, easygoing guy.

Artem 9:14

I hope so.

Ilona 9:16

How do you deal with conflict when faced with conflict, like throughout life?

Artem 9:21

I think I'm not a confrontational person.

Ilona 9:24

So you're a dancer, you're not a fighter.

Artem 9:26

No, no, yeah, yeah, I know where you're going with this I get it. Even like I was never even competitive, like even as a dancer, like I loved what I, what I, what I do, and I kind of like I want to be best, yes, but like I'm not gonna, like I don't know jump out of the window for it, like if someone wants it more than me, like I'm I'm not going to be trying to prove otherwise.

Ilona 9:56

What would you like to see happen in your life in the next 12 to 18 months?

Artem 10:01

I just want to be happy.

Ilona 10:03

Yeah, are you happy now?

Artem 10:06

I'm happy that I have my son, I'm happy that my mom is here, I'm happy that I'd be able to see that relationship, able to see that relationship. You know, um, I'm happy that I, you know, I'm still okay, you know, I'm happy about that. But am I happy overall? And like looking forward, like no, because it's just a whole bunch of unknown and unknown is not make you happy it sounds like you're still healing.

Mila 10:35

Oh no, I mean for sure, yeah, I'm no.

Artem 10:35

This, there's no questions, sounds like you're still healing. Oh no, I mean for sure, yeah, I'm not. There's no questions. That like I'm still practicing everything that's going on. How?

Mila 10:42

did all of that public scrutiny affect your life? I know you said that your whole life changed. Your job changed.

Artem 10:49

Everything changed. I think just even going to you know like pick up Mateo from school, you get to. You know like pick up Mateo from school, you get looks. You know like when people didn't say hi when I pick up Mateo, like people who I have a conversations with, you know, people who I talk to, people who I thought that you know, I don't know, that I've never I will experience that, like not saying hi, just like give these dirty looks and I'm like okay, like that is bizarre.

Mila 11:21

And that's traumatic. That's traumatic for you.

Artem 11:24

One of my coaches in dancing said this one thing whatever goes in your ear does not necessarily fly out that easily. You know, whatever someone tells you something, we have an ability to like process, but to what way process is affecting you?

Ilona 11:42

But remember, you have your own aura and you either let people get to you or you know what you are, you know what you believe in, you know your truth and you, just you know, push it back out.

Artem 11:52

Do you really ever know your truth?

Mila 11:54

I think your truth changes. I think we change and develop and grow as people, and I call it different eras.

Artem 12:02

Yeah.

Mila 12:02

You have different eras of your life and there are positives and negatives to each, and there are good days and bad days to each, and there are lessons to each and you never know what's coming.

Artem 12:15

I mean I've learned that firsthand. I think your truth is who you surround yourself with. You never know what's coming. I mean I've learned that firsthand. I think your truth is who you surround yourself with.

Ilona 12:21

And who do you surround yourself with? Do you have close friends?

Artem 12:24

I do have one who I consider like my best friend, and obviously my mom, my son, like that's my surrounding, who actually helped me to go through.

Ilona 12:37

I mean strangers don't know what really happened.

Read the Article or the Headline

Mila 12:39

You know the truth and when people that you know for a long time turn away from you because they made up their mind about what they choose to believe, yeah, I think people who knows me, they're still there whenever there are these types of situations and they get settled out rather than go through the litigation process and have a judgment, you know a lot of the truths are behind the shadows and no one knows what actually happened. They only see what they see on the tabloids.

Artem 13:07

You read sometimes an article and the headline of that article has nothing to do with the article. I think we live in that time where we don't read the articles, we read the headlines. And I think biggest thing in my case, because I was arrested, then I'm immediately guilty.

Mila 13:27

What would you want the world to know?

Artem 13:31

Be patient. You know, don't jump to conclusions right away. If I would never been on Dancing with the Stars and if that would happen to me, my name nobody would care for. In that case, there would never be a mugshot in the magazines, there would never be a news headline that I've been arrested, and it makes it easier to exist.

Ilona 13:57

So there are burdens of being a celebrity.

Artem 14:00

I don't ever consider myself a celebrity and, to be fair, like I think, this whole thing is completely blown out of proportion. Period.

Ilona 14:06

Being a public figure let's say you know, I think, carries its burdens, including what's being said on social media, what you have to monitor and have an extra job of. What do you respond to? What do you let go and not address? If something is on the internet about you, you have to think do I hire a publicist? Do I respond to this or do I let it go? Is this going to stain my future opportunities and prevent me from making my dreams come true? And on that point you said you're having a hard time figuring out what to do in the next 12 to 18 months or plan for yourself. And on that point you said you're having a hard time figuring out what to do in the next 12 to 18 months or plan for yourself. And what I was going to say earlier and share my experience from when I was like 30 years old.

Ilona 14:43

A while ago I went wine tasting here in Napa and I came into this shop and there was a book that I bought. That's the best book ever, that has changed my life, and I'm going to send you a copy. But I didn't write it, I'm just endorsing it because I think it will really help you and maybe anybody else who doesn't really think or know where to start. It's called when Will you Be in Five Years. It's a very short book with exercises that are fun. We human beings, we're wired a certain way. Right now, you're wired to having a mindset of.

Artem 15:17

Of survival yes, at the moment.

Ilona 15:19

And you have an identity that you're still kind of married to.

Artem 15:23

Who you will, you know the family you have, and I think that's the biggest problem with, I find myself, is that I so identify myself with just specific thing that anything outside of that identity it just becomes like, I mean, besides scary, I think it also becomes like not doable. Everything is doable. I know what it took me to identify myself with that. It took me my whole life as a being that identify myself as as a dancer, because that's all I did my whole life. Every single day of my life, I danced.

Mila 16:02

As an employment attorney, yeah, so I take a lot of cases. You know people who have been employed in a certain field and sometimes trauma happens and they can no longer work in that field after 18 years 20 years, oh, I 100% been there. It affects every aspect of your life. I mean, people become suicidal. They lose their purpose because they do. But I promise you everyone can get past that. But it is a journey. It is a journey.

Artem 16:35

And that's where I think I'm at.

Mila 16:35

It is a journey, it is a journey, and that's what I think about math, and you have to accept that that is who you are and that will always be a part of you. But that is not all of you, and your identity is more than what you do, more than what you're passionate about and, frankly, you can become passionate in other things.

Ilona 16:54

He's talented, he is good at it, he loves it. In other things, he's talented, he is good at it, he loves it. I feel that you've lost some opportunities after you know the mugshot. That didn't really represent what in fact happened.

Artem 17:05

I was hoping I'm going to get a mugshot, like what's his name, Frank Sinatra but that was not the case.

Mila 17:10

I need to see this mugshot, I mean I'm going to make it really.

Artem 17:22

I mean it's kind of funny. But I was like this close to put on my instagram mugshot and it's probably gonna be very sarcastic to a lot of people, but I was like god, this thing made me more famous and more talked about than winning dancing with the stars being nominated for an emmy. Uh, like that's what made me more famous, that's what made people talk about my. It's just sad, because people just want to see you fail and want to believe in things like bad things more than actually if you succeed at something. It's just so sad. They wrote about me like I'm a monster, and when the case was dismissed, they didn't run and say like, oh, we did this, but now it's this, so this is what it is. No, because no one cares about that, the case was dropped.

Ilona 18:03

But as to what happened? You've lost opportunities. People canceled contracts on you that you had pending and deleted you off their websites just because of that mugshot, before anyone knew who was at fault.

Artem 18:18

I can't be mad at that, like again taking myself out of that equation, right, and if I let's say I would be in that position, I would have probably done the same thing. Everything nowadays is about branding.

Ilona 18:29

But look, there's divorce, there's straining water, stuff. The rest it's all history. It's all done. All of that is gone, done. You are a talented, passionate dancer. I want to see you back on TV on Dancing with the Stars. I would love to watch.

Mila 18:44

I would love to watch you on TV too. I would love to watch you continuing to follow your passion, and it sounds like dancing is your number one passion.

Ilona 18:54

What was your favorite genre of dancing?

Artem 18:58

I think my favorite was going to be what I do ballroom and Latin. You know, and again, when I talk about ballroom and Latin, just want to kind of explain because some audience might have not really be aware of it Latin genre has a Latin dances and the ballroom genre has a ballroom dancer. So there's a standard and there's a Latin Standard is more like a foxtrot, tango walls, venus walls, quick step and when you go into the latin, that's where the oldest you know sambas and chachas and all the other styles of dance what's the hardest genre of dancing that you faced while you were on the show I don't think it's hardest, I think it's the one that looks crazy on you, you know, because sometimes we believe like, oh, this is easy and you do it, and you look like a fool and you're like, oh, that definitely did not look good.

Ilona 19:43

It's just so unfair that over this, everything will be over, Like it's not over.

Mila 19:49

I'm manifesting that you're going to continue Always.

Gratitude and Moving Forward

Ilona 19:51

Ultimately, no matter what happens, we're fortunate to be in this country. We, no matter what happens, we're fortunate to be in this country. We're fortunate to have our you know hands, eyes, vision, hearing, everything right. You can move and shake it, you can do construction. It's a blessing. You can do anything you want.

Artem 20:07

And I think some people find a lot of people's interviews kind of like oh, it's pathetic. Like you have your health, you have this, it's again. It depends what you're comparing to. I mean, I can compare myself to be in an extremely great situation right now. You know, I live in the country. There's a peace, I have a job, I get paid, I see my son, my mom is here, I can go to grocery store, buy food. You know like there's so many things to be grateful for and, of course, but in everyday life, when that has become a pure normal, you're taking it for granted.

Ilona 20:44

That's true.

Artem 20:45

And then you only focus on things that are missing. And that's where you easily cut up in is in the negativity of what's missing, what could have been better or what can be better. And again, for me personally, it's not even so much like I don't say I don't care about myself, I can figure it out, how to be, whatever. I mean, I've been living on my own for a very long time and like I'm okay to survive, like I can survive, I'm okay, but my son's getting deprived of certain things and he will never have that, and that is what my struggle is.

Ilona 21:18

You have the power to remember when the negative thoughts enter your head, to intervene, stop it and change the channel to something else.

Artem 21:27

I wish it worked that easy.

Ilona 21:30

It requires practice and catching yourself. I wish.

Artem 21:32

I was a bit more of a dreamer. I wish I'd be more of like, hey, it's going to be great, it's going to be awesome. I wish I was a bit more of a dreamer. I wish I'd be more of like, yeah, it's going to be great, it's going to be awesome. I wish I was that guy. I've never was, Even growing up as a kid. I've never was and I'm more like just this is what's in front of me. I'm like okay, let's make the most of what's in front of me. You know and my suck, but at least I can manage this to the best possible ability. What's here?

Mila 21:58

I think that's a great quality you know yeah so one step at a time yeah, every day hopefully open up something else a lot of times when people go through divorce, I think, from from what I've heard, a lot of people say that they lived in conflict or had situations where you know they had hostile environments at home and you know I don't know about your personal life and if that's something you went through, but does your life now feel more at peace than when you were married and or living in conflict and or living?

Artem 22:32

in conflict. I think when you live in a relationship you kind of get used to certain things and you don't see things sometimes for what they are. Or there are certain problems you don't necessarily see as a problem, like you just go along right, that it just becomes a rollercoaster of the same things and you just you know, we're all humans.

Mila 22:52

I think all we can do is the best we can do.

Artem 22:55

Always.

Mila 22:55

And I think the choices we make at any given time is the best we can do, based on, you know, the journeys we've lived and the experiences we've had. So I always feel like a lot of people say, oh, what could I have done differently? I don't think we could have done anything differently in those moments.

Artem 23:14

I don't think I would change anything that I've done, so it's not that.

Mila 23:17

No regrets.

Artem 23:18

No.

Mila 23:19

And you have the journey forward to look forward to and choices you can make now that will make an impact for your future?

Artem 23:26

Yeah, I think so.

Mila 23:27

I have no doubt that anything you want to tackle, you will tackle, and anything you love to do and are passionate about, you will be great at, and I personally can't wait to see what's next for you.

Artem 23:39

Oh, thank you. Thank you for having me, and I think you're an amazing father, all the pictures, everything I've heard and said.

Ilona 23:45

there was nothing but immense love. And nothing is more important to you other than being a great dad from day one, and you are that, and you've sacrificed. I other and being a great dad from day one, and you are that, and you've sacrificed. I mean you make sacrifices every day, go to work, do your construction, you get off, you pick them up, you cook for him, you do everything for him. I bet you don't have time for your personal life or yourself right now because you also have to exist.

Artem 24:07

Yes, and my mom's living with me. So, boy, start over that. You know what I? I don't know, I just made this agreement with myself. That is like my focus is my kid, playing with him every single day and just have this like silly giggles that he does or whatever makes him happy. Like that's what makes me happy, you know. Like that's what actually like makes me go. Like okay, this, this is a good day it's a blessing it's those simple things.

Artem 24:36

I don't think I can think positive anything else even remotely at this moment of my life where I'm at Like, my focus is my kid.

Ilona 24:43

This is so natural to go through this, because when you love someone, it falls apart and it's not the way you ever envisioned this was gonna end. It's gonna take time to kind of deal with it and heal, and I think you're very fortunate to have your mom, to have your son, to have him half the time and also you have a couple of close friends. That's all that matters. When we grow up, we have our responsibilities, duties. There's no time to chat with people.

Artem 25:08

There is really no time. And you have us now. There is no time.

Mila 25:12

Hey, that's true, that's it. You, there is no time.

Artem 25:15

We're friends forever. That's it, you're stuck with me forever, yeah, yeah.

Ilona 25:22

It's funny enough, but it's true. And that's a wrap on our interview with Artyom and this episode of the Glamorous Grind.

Mila 25:26

It was so great to hear Artyom tell his story. I am so glad him and his son are thriving.

Ilona 25:33

Artyom is such a nice guy. He's a class act and it was lovely to see him again.

Mila 25:37

If you liked what you heard today, we've got more interviews coming up that you love to dive into. Keep up with us on social media to see what we've got coming up next. And good news we are inviting new guests on our show.

Ilona 25:49

Do you have a jaw-dropping story? The world needs to hear.

Mila 25:57

Divorce, life law or even an employment case that you went through DM or email us to share your story and be a guest on the show.

Ilona 26:01

Stay motivated, stay fabulous, and we'll see you next week on the Glamorous Grind.