The Glamorous Grind

A Voice to Voiceless Children

• Ilona Antonyan, Mila Arutunian • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Step into a heartfelt exploration of resilience, advocacy, and the unseen struggles surrounding child sexual abuse as we welcome Blake Woodhall to the podcast. A devoted father and attorney, Blake shares his powerful journey from personal trauma to professional advocacy, aiming to amplify the voices of those previously silenced. The episode dives deep into the intricacies of the legal landscape, highlighting the newly opened opportunities for victims to seek justice against their abusers in California. 

Listeners will gain insight into the emotional toll of childhood trauma, the vital role of empathy in the legal profession, and the responsibilities of fathers in nurturing healthy relationships with their children. Blake's candid recounting not only addresses the challenges faced by survivors of abuse but also the transformative power of community service and support. 

Through compelling stories and reflections, this episode serves as a call to action for empathy, understanding, and engagement in the lives of those around us. Join us in celebrating the strength found in vulnerability, and find inspiration in Blake’s relentless pursuit of justice and healing. Ready to connect with a community that cares? Tune in, and don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this vital narrative that can change lives.

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Blake:

Our motto is we give voices to victims.

Mila:

As lawyers, we often have to be therapists for our client, especially in sensitive cases like this.

Blake:

The only thing we can get our clients is money. We can't ever take away what happened to them Do you see cases where women also abuse children 99% of pedophiles are men.

Mila:

Humanity finds the most joy in helping other people and in serving other people.

Blake:

I talk to a lot of dads now after being divorced and going through all this and I really try to just flat out tell them it's your responsibility as a father to be fully engaged and invested in your kids.

Ilona:

I studied psychology. That was one of my majors. I liked back in the days when I would go on dates. Ask a question. What's your first memory from childhood? That was your date question. Yes, those are my questions. What's your first memory from childhood? That was your date question? Yes, those are my questions.

Blake:

It's like an old adage we don't know what people are going through. It's really true, though Everybody, you, you, you, everybody's got something going on at any given time.

Ilona:

Welcome to the Glamorous Grind where law meets lifestyle.

Mila:

I'm Alona Antonian, a trial attorney and a certified family law specialist and I'm Mila Arutunian, a trial attorney practicing employment and personal injury law.

Ilona:

We are lawyers, friends and your insiders to the world of legal drama every week, we're diving into our most juiciest and unforgettable cases, showcasing inspiring success stories and sharing how we balance drive and determination with style so, whether you're a legal powerhouse chasing success or just here for the juicy stories, grab your favorite drink because we are pouring out wisdom with, and plenty of glam it's law, it's life, it's the Glamorous Grind.

Mila:

Parenthood is never easy and can be even more difficult as a single parent. Our guest today knows this from multiple sides. This week we're sitting down with Blake, a devoted father and attorney who is also a relentless advocate for justice.

Ilona:

As a lawyer, he dedicates his work to helping child sexual abuse victims seek justice and ensure they don't have to suffer in silence.

Mila:

In this episode, we will talk about resilience, fatherhood and how personal hardship can fuel a greater mission. This is a story of love, loss and unwavering strength. Stay with us. This is one you won't want to miss, so we are super excited to have you on our podcast. Blake, tell us a little bit about yourself.

Blake:

First of all, thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here. I've watched your podcast, a few of them and very impressed. It's always nice to see you. You're one of my favorite people on the planet.

Mila:

Likewise.

Blake:

So my name is Blake Woodhull. I live down here in San Diego. I'm an attorney, just like you two, and I've been practicing for 28 years now Wait you don't look that old. Well, thank you. I'm always fishing for compliments, so that's nice. I work for Herman Law and we exclusively represent victims of child sex abuse. In fact, that's where I was this morning on a case in Los Angeles, so that's all I do. I've been doing that now for the past five years or so.

Ilona:

You currently have a major case against the state of California and represent about 700 people who used to be children back in the 1950s right.

Blake:

Right, it's actually against the county of LA.

Ilona:

Okay.

Blake:

And yeah, I represent about 850 plaintiffs in a case arising out of systemic sexual abuse at a temporary group home run by the county called McLaren Hall in El Monte, california, and the date ranges are anywhere from the late 50s all the way until 2003. That's how long it was open and there was a lot of abuse sexual abuse going on at the time by numerous staff members, etc.

Ilona:

And so what is this facility? What did it do back in the 50s for foster children?

Blake:

So what it would do is it would basically be a temporary place for a child to go when they're removed from their, say, their biological parents for some reason Through juvenile court. So the court would get involved absolutely. Medical services, a place to live and educational services they had a school there as well Pending their placement in a more permanent situation foster home.

Ilona:

What was the maximum period of time that these children would live there?

Blake:

They were only supposed to be there for no more than a month, but some of them would live there for years.

Ilona:

Nobody would want to adopt them. Is that why?

Blake:

It's not really adoption. It was more placement in foster homes, and most of the clients that I have who stayed there for an extended period of time were either in and out of there a lot because of instability even within the foster home where they were placed, or they just had a lot of issues where it was difficult for them to get into a stable placement, and so they just kept them at McLaren Hall.

Mila:

For context for our viewers. I want to talk a little bit about the extension of the statute of limitations because I find that super interesting. So most legal cases have a statute of limitations. You have to bring claims within two years or three years or one year, depending on the type of case it is. But recently the California legislature passed a law. Was it a few years ago?

Blake:

They amended AB 218. Okay, so tell us a little bit about that so yeah, they amended the statute to open up a window for previously time-barred cases. So all of my clients, for example, before the window opened, their statute had run.

Mila:

So they could not bring lawsuits because it had been too long since they've been abused.

Blake:

That's right. So the new statute is basically anybody can bring a claim for sexual abuse until they're age 40. Now, when the window opened for three years, it's now closed. Anybody they could be 80 years old and file, but now those cases are closed as well. So if you're over 40, you're outside the statute now, but under 40, you're still in, when before it was like 21.

Ilona:

So anyone who's under 40 today could still file a claim.

Blake:

If they were sexually abused as a child?

Ilona:

Through foster care system, through state.

Blake:

I mean it doesn't necessarily have to be through foster care, it could be. They could sue the individual perpetrator as well, but we only sue institutions. So we have many pending cases against Roman Catholic Church, for example, different counties, school districts, ymca, boys and Girls Club, anywhere where there are children. That's where you're going to find pedophiles.

Ilona:

These are mostly men, right, or do you see cases where women also abuse children?

Blake:

99% of pedophiles are men, so the stories I hear are some of the most horrific stories you'll ever hear in your life.

Ilona:

And.

Blake:

I literally could take a nine millimeter and go up to this person and put a bullet in their head and sleep like a baby.

Mila:

So in California, if you were abused as a child and you're under 40, even if you were abused when you were three years old or five years old, you can still bring a lawsuit against your abuser, including the individual who abused you or, if it was part of an institution, the institution that abused you. Now I want to ask you one question, because I deal with a lot of sexual harassment and sexual abuse of adults and there's a lot of shame that people experience when they're abused, and I can imagine if you're abused as a child, that shame is even more right. And so how do you deal with that aspect of it? How do you deal with talking someone through it? Obviously, it's not their fault, but you know, I feel like as lawyers we often have to be therapists for our client, especially in sensitive cases like this.

Blake:

It's a really good question and really good insight, because even the way we handle cases, it's designed to help people heal. Our motto is we give voices to victims and when you're abused as a child in particular, you never feel like you have a voice and you carry that with you even into your adult age. And it's an interesting thing for me to handle these cases now because I'm more open with it now than I've ever been. But I was sexually abused as a child and so for me, I think I have a particular understanding for what these people go through. You can be 60 years old and be a big baller, executive, ceo, and have been sexually abused when you were a child, and you will always have that sort of pain inside you and particularly the shame, and in fact that's the reason why they even opened up the window in the first place.

Blake:

If you go back to the legislative history of even amending the statute, it was nowadays the stigma attached to admitting or talking about being sexually abused as a child. It's less now. People are more encouraged to do it, there's more support available and, frankly, it's very difficult for men to talk about it because we're supposed to be these big macho dudes. I mean, I played football, I coach football. Still, I'm supposed to be this big masculine tough guy and yet here I am. When I have this, I have a similar kind of pain, a shame, the embarrassment of it and yeah, so it's difficult. But again, you know, the only thing we can get our clients is money. We can't ever take away what happened to them or bring back their innocence or return it to them. But what we've found is, and what I've found is, working with the clients through it, even preparing them for depositions. Even, for example you guys will appreciate this, as as lawyers I get thanks sometimes for just filing a complaint, like, have you ever been thanked for just filing a plea?

Ilona:

No.

Blake:

Right, it's never happened. It's the first time in my career I had a client call me and go. I've never seen it on paper where what happened to me is on paper and we're actually finally going after the people that are responsible for it. That's very empowering.

Ilona:

So you're like a superhero, you're helping these people I mean the victims and then, in a way, getting revenge against everybody who has done this to children.

Blake:

Everywhere we go you go to the grocery store, you go to church, you go to your kids' sporting events. Wherever you go, there are victims.

Mila:

You know it's so interesting. One of my favorite motivational speakers and I'm a little biased because he's Armenian, but it's not because he's Armenian. I actually really love his content and actually most of his content is for men, but I love him and I listen to all of his stuff. His name is Bedros Kuligian.

Ilona:

It happened to him as well. I listened to his podcast.

Mila:

But the interesting thing I find in it is, like you know, especially Armenian men were are trained to be like super macho and masculine and he talks about how, like he had this like really rough childhood and he would steal and was in jail and did all these like horrible things and then he ended up getting therapy and which is like super anti-Armenian even me as a woman like if I tell my mom I want therapy, she'll be like what is wrong with you? Deal, deal with your problems. But he ended up getting therapy and he said that when he got therapy he realized that a lot of his problems were because he was carrying around this guilt of being abused as a child. So I think that a lot of people carry it around, don't even know the extent to which it affects them, and he attributes a lot of his success to finally facing that, stepping into his power by being like, yes, this happened to me, it's not my fault and I'm stronger than this. I think one.

Ilona:

You have to get a therapist that specializes in helping victims and those situations, somebody good, because if you go to a shitty one, you know it can make things worse to start living it and then not really making progress. And, um, you know, I I remember back like 10 years ago or so, and actually it was 15 years ago went on a date with this one guy and he was a radiologist and I was so into him. I used to call him mr big, like from the sex in a city, because there we go but he was better looking.

Ilona:

But anyways, point is that he turned out to be like a serial cheater and one day before I found out that was the case, like he sometimes would act like a child or like I kind of sensed that like he would retrieve and seem like he would into it. And I studied psychology. That was one of my majors and you know I liked back in the days when I would go on dates, ask a question what's your first memory from childhood and then what's your Second?

Blake:

freshest memory from childhood, and then I will do psychoanalysis on people for myself?

Ilona:

Yes, those are my questions. And he kind of shut down. But then he opened up and he told me that and it was very sad. He said that when he was like seven years old he used to play in a neighborhood and his mom would send him to neighbor's house to play and the neighbor sexually abused him for years and he told his mom and he told his dad and they didn't believe him and they kept sending him to that neighbor's house and he kept getting abused and he obviously didn't have a good relationship with his mom and he I mean, I don't know if he ever got therapy. I don't think he got good therapy because it was impacting him as a grown up and I hated his mom. When I heard the story I'm like bitch, you know you don't protect your child. Like how could you not like take, like, believe your child and protect him? How could you not care that much? But that happens a lot to children. It's like it's so sad this happens and somehow parents choose not to believe their children.

Blake:

Yeah, I mean, there's a couple things there. Number one is therapy is important. I don't think it's the end all be all. There's a lot of individual work that you have to do to overcome some of these things. I found therapy to be important From the standpoint if it explains some things to me like oh, that's why I'm that way, oh, that's why certain things are whatever.

Blake:

So it was more explanatory and then gave me some resources to kind of deal with things, because it's hard to imagine and look, none of us get out of life without traumatic experiences. None of us escape it. Okay, so it's not like. You know, there there is a, there is a certain element to do you go overboard and continue to play a victim, right, and not take responsibility for being a serial cheater by saying, oh well, I'm just, I'm a victim of sex abuse, so I can go and be a maniac. That's not acceptable either. Right, so?

Blake:

But having said that, like, imagine yourself you're going to a family event and you're really excited about it, and or you're going to go see your daughter dance. Or for me, my kids all played sports. My oldest son's a professional drummer. I'm going to go to his concert, okay, and I'm all stoked about it. I drive to LA and I sit there and I get some sort of trigger. Something happens to where I see a person who looked like the guy that abused me, or I smell a smell that always smelled like his house. Just one little tiny thing triggers you, and you immediately go back to being that kid again. It's interesting how you mentioned that he sounded like a child sometimes.

Blake:

I often say that I still represent kids, because you could be 75 years old and I could be talking to that to you, and when you're talking about your abuse I see it in my clients their whole countenance changes to where they go back to being a kid, and so you go back to being a kid and you're focused on it, and you might have a panic response, you know, um, flight fright or fight Right, and so it just changes your whole day and it could ruin your whole day, and so that's why, though, I think um therapy is important though, cause it can help you in those moments, but that's why, you know, I I kind of have a like a life philosophy, like we really do need to give people a break, cause you don't you know, it's like an old adage we don't know what people are going through.

Blake:

It's really true, though Everybody, you, you, you, everybody's got something going on at any given time. It's important, I think, to just kind of give people a break, and if we can help them, then do it, and in my and in the context of my work, that's what I can do. I can help my clients heal.

Ilona:

So you know having about 850, you said clients you know how did it impact their lives. Now that they're grownups, do you see commonalities?

Blake:

I do. Okay, here's a few commonality, things that are in common, and I've even wondered about myself, because I don't necessarily fall into all these categories and I've often wondered why did I escape quote, unquote, escape, if you want to look at it that way. But the commonalities for for kids who were sort of chronically in the foster care system and then abused, sometimes in multiple locations. They generally have a criminal background, they didn't complete their education, they have some form of substance abuse, usually drug abuse, um, and they have really spotty uh work history, if they can even work at all. Those four things are super common. I could show you the 850 clients that I represent, and probably 700 of them will have all four. Oh my God, by the way, what percent of those end up homeless at some point? A lot, in fact. We have clients that we just lose track of. We have to go, send investigators out to find them because they're on the street. They're just highly unstable. They're unstable and oftentimes and they don't have anybody to fall back on.

Blake:

I mean, I had a great like. I had a really cool family. I wasn't. I wasn't, I wasn't abused by a family member. I had a really cool brother and sister. I had great parents.

Blake:

My dad was a minister, but he was just, he was a great guy, he was like my guy and um, and so if you think about that, you know a lot of these people.

Blake:

They're in the foster home so they've been removed from their biological parents.

Blake:

There's nobody within their biological family to take them, so they're with some stranger essentially going through their whole system so they don't have anybody to support them and to give them that stability.

Blake:

Oftentimes these foster families and no disrespect to the really good foster parents there's some really neat people out there but a lot of these people are are evil and they're, and they just take a check and they allow abuse to go on, physical abuse as well. And and so just think about that, just like internally, if you wouldn't have anybody to fall back on, like you even talking about your mom giving you a hard time, but you have a mom and you have a mom that loves you. And most of these people, not only do they not have a mom that loves them or a dad that loves them, they have a maniac for a parent who's either a drug addict or an alcoholic or can't take care of themselves, let alone a child let me just understand something, because, like people who have parents that fight in court, they end up in family court and then, uh, once the child there's child neglect, then it's severe enough and the child cannot be placed with either parent.

Ilona:

It goes to juvenile court, family court loses jurisdiction and then in juvenile court they put the parents on a certain plan until they reach an exit plan and they comply with all the you know, counseling, therapy, parenting classes, drug or alcohol corrective action, whatever they have to take, and then they are either placed back with parents but I guess the people you're representing are those that during that time would be placed in foster care or an institution because there were no other family members to take care of them. Is that right? Yeah, okay. And then also it would be children whose parents did not end up complying with anything and they completely lost custody, so they became, you know, dependents state dependents and then they just had to be placed.

Blake:

They're in the system forever. I mean, Mila and I have talked about some things. I have a personal experience with this. I ended up getting my kids full time and so if my kids didn't have me, they would have been in the system because of their mom, and so that's why I'm saying if you don't have somebody to fall back on that can give you some stability and true engagement as a child, you're fucked, sorry.

Ilona:

No, that's a good way to say it, but do you feel like your experience as a child led you to find a partner in life that ended up having problems? That resolved in you becoming the primary caretaker.

Blake:

And I'm not a you know. I make it very clear I'm not a complete victim in that whole process, but when it comes to the parenting aspect of it, yeah, I kind of always knew that I was going to have to be the one to step up and do that, even when my kids were babies.

Mila:

Whatever you feel comfortable with. Can you tell us a little bit about your family and your marriage and how that?

Blake:

led you to be a single dad. Yeah, so, um, so I've been divorced now for so it's 2009. So it's been. It's been quite a while. Um, I was married for 12 years, together with her for 15. I was a dad when I was 24. She was. She was 21. It was a whoopsie. Oops, I got married. We knew each other for six months.

Ilona:

While you were in law school, because you became a lawyer at 25.

Blake:

While I was in law school, yeah, and she was playing volleyball in junior college and she actually got extremely serious about school and ended up becoming a doctor, a dermatologist, with a fellowship in cosmetic surgery. But we, when we moved down here to San Diego I guess it'd be a little over 15 years ago the shit kind of hit the fan right away, and and I won't tell, I won't explain everything that happened, but Bill Benjamin was my, was my lawyer, if you know Bill, and he was excellent for me. But we shared custody for a while, the classic kind of standard custody arrangement, and then again, I always sort of knew, though, that I was going to bear the brunt of the responsibility for raising the kids, and even when we shared custody, I still took them even more than what the technical legal percentage was.

Ilona:

Did she keep her license as a doctor, or were there problems that caused her not to be a doctor at some point?

Blake:

So at some point she had to, um, she had to surrender her license.

Ilona:

Okay.

Blake:

I'll leave it at that. And so she's no longer a practicing physician. Um, and so I got them full, full-time legal physical custody. What a little over 10 years ago. But even before that I was still acting as though I was that person?

Ilona:

Are they all adults now?

Blake:

So yeah, so my oldest son, Troy, is 29.

Mila:

He's amazing, he's a rock star.

Blake:

He really is, so he got a degree from the School of Music University of Oregon. He's a professional grade drummer and he lives in Los Angeles, living the dream, living the dream, the classic starving artist. He works at a restaurant, plays gigs all over LA, he's got his own band and he also drums for another band.

Mila:

What's the name of his band? He's so good.

Blake:

He's so good feudal um. And he's on instagram if you want to follow him and he looks exactly like blake well, I always say he's a taller, better looking version of me okay I'm not gonna.

Mila:

No, he's a good looking good he's a good looking guy, um, and and and.

Blake:

So then, uh, my my daughter, hallie, uh, like hallie berry, um, I always say her name is the first part of hallelujah.

Ilona:

That's how we spell h-a-l-l-e it makes me think of baby formula that I buy, yeah yeah, she's a junior at University of Oregon.

Blake:

She was my—.

Ilona:

Why Oregon? Why everybody in?

Blake:

Oregon there's another story about that. I actually lived in Oregon Eugene for a year when I was in high school and I've always kind of had—I've always liked Oregon and so the kids have sort of gravitated up there.

Mila:

Hallie's a badass.

Blake:

Hallie's a total badass. She was my superstar athlete growing up. She played one year of college softball in New Jersey.

Mila:

She doesn't know me, but I've been watching her grow up for like the last six years.

Blake:

She's amazing and her middle name is my name, Hallie Blake, and so she's just my person. I don't know what else to say. Like um, she and I have just always been lock since she was just a little tiny baby. I mean, I have a good relationship with all my kids, but it's something different when it's your daughter.

Ilona:

You admit it, Cause I have five, like you know which one is your favorite.

Blake:

And, uh, you know, I don't know if I can ever admit that, because there's that cosmic connection with some babies, you just like put them and you feel it you know Well, cosmic connection with some baby, you just like put them. You feel it. You know well I always say you love your kids equally. But you don't necessarily like them equally. I like, I like all my kids.

Mila:

I really do, but you like them in a different way my mom used to always say when I would be like who do you love more, she'd be like I have two fingers, do you think?

Ilona:

I love one finger more than the other.

Mila:

I was like yeah, mom, you're right-handed.

Ilona:

You need the index finger more.

Blake:

If you have a pick, then you take your dominant hand.

Mila:

I had the lawyer response. I'm like absolutely, there's a finger that you couldn't live without, for sure you need to pick your nose Like what the hell does a pinky do for you?

Ilona:

Your third child did so then third, Cooper.

Blake:

he's 18. He's a senior in high school. He goes to Hoover High School, which is funny because that's where I coach football. I'm the quarterback coach at Hoover for football. He ended up being the Central Conference Defensive Player of the Year, Just had a monster season. He's just a beast and he's just committed to Bemidji State University of.

Ilona:

Minnesota football. No one is going to be a lawyer, not of your three.

Blake:

No, and I discourage it. Is going to be a lawyer.

Mila:

Not of your three and I discourage it. But, like amazing, with everything that you know the kids have gone through with their mom and the divorce and ending up with you as a single dad and a lawyer raising them like knock on wood. You have incredible children.

Blake:

They are the thing I love about my kids the most is they're really good human beings and they have a lot of perspective. One thing is important that's always been important for me. I don't know if it's just being raised in the church, you know, and doing a lot of things for, for the community. My dad was actually a church planter, so his denomination would just send them into a community and go start a church.

Mila:

Good luck, and most of the time they were in sort of underprivileged communities and neighborhoods and um and so I've just always had a heart for like serving and helping so you, I remember, had a program where you took your youngest son, cooper, right and you would go to downtown and they would make sandwiches peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with chips and like apples and make little paper bags and hand them out and then you like exploded and people started donating money so that you and cooper could go feed homeless people just two of you, not through any organization.

Blake:

So this happened through covid. Yeah, I've always had a thing for feeding homeless people and I just I don't really like giving to organizations, I just like doing it myself. So during covid perspective, so during COVID we started it and it's called 11 Meals Mission because we made 11 meals and it's a PB&J sandwich, a soft fruit it has to be soft because most homeless people have bad teeth, so it needs to be either an orange or banana. A bag of chips, chewy granola bar, a bottle of water, a Gatorade, and you put it in a plastic bag because they like to use the plastic bag to go to the bathroom in, so everything is used that we give them. And so we went down and did 11 meals. This is during COVID, like full lockdown.

Mila:

And I remember being like you're insane, you're going to get COVID. He was like I want to help people.

Blake:

I'm a live food guy.

Ilona:

Like how many sandwiches and packages you make and where did you go to deliver them? So and where?

Blake:

did you go to deliver them? So we literally drive downtown, we pull up to people, we roll down the window and we say, excuse me sir, excuse me ma'am. You give them a little respect, a little dignity. And they come up to you and you give them the bag and we drive off.

Ilona:

We drive all over, so you didn't walk the streets oh no, we drive all over.

Blake:

And so it blew about it and I started getting people donating money and plastic bags and I had a guy who was in this is during COVID, so nobody was working. Nobody was doing anything. I had this guy who runs this hedge fund, who I coached his daughters in softball, and he calls me up. He's like I need something to do. So he became like my operations guy. We had an assembly line of of making the bags. We were doing a hundred at a time and we still do some, but we went from 11 and we're now at 4,700 meals that we've handed out individually me and Cooper.

Mila:

Amazing 4,700.

Blake:

And we have like a tier program on who. We tried it because we could just go down there to the really gnarly part and get rid of 100 like that. But what we do is we drive around, look for people actually digging in a trash can. That's our number one people. If you're digging in a trash can, just imagine none of us have ever been that hungry, I'm assuming to humble yourself to dig in a trash can and have somebody roll up behind you in a car and go excuse me, sir, excuse me, ma'am, are you hungry? Like that'd be amazing experience. And then people in wheelchairs, veterans, and then after that, once we kind of hit all them, then we just go into the gnarliest parts of downtown and we just hand them out. I've been criticized for it because, oh, you're just enabling them and you're doing this. And again, my position is I'm just feeding them. I'm not trying to save them, I'm just feeding them and I just have a heart for that. Like Father Joe's Village does a really good job down there.

Mila:

I volunteered there before. They do a really good job.

Blake:

They really do, and there's some other programs down there that help them. Even law enforcement helps them. But at the end of the day, am I that deep into it where I feel like, oh, I can really do something about it, or do I have the answer I really don't Just being a good human and helping people eat. That's all it is. That's all it is.

Mila:

It's really no more than that. I remember reading a book, and it was a beautiful book and I can't remember what it was called. I think it was like the Art of Joy, and one of their conclusions was that humanity finds the most joy in helping other people and in serving other people. And if you can find purpose in that, I think that will bring more joy than any amount of money and like real, heartfelt, lasting joy. Because money brings joy. Money brings comfort. You buy something new.

Mila:

It's really exciting until it's not, but when you can help someone and I feel like you do that in so many aspects of your life with your work, with your outside organization, which I don't even know how you find time, because you also coach your son's team and are an attorney and a litigator and then feed homeless people on the side.

Blake:

One of my favorite sayings is the devil will find work for idle hands to do. It's actually in a Smith song. What difference does it make and that's kind of a life motto for me If I just I can chill. Not, don't get me wrong, but what you said is the most is is really important. Service to others is the key to life, and particularly service to others who can't give you anything back in return. When you're helping people who literally can't give you anything back, it gets you out of your own bullshit. We all have our own bullshit and, trust me, I have moments where I'm sitting in a corner losing my mind because of some stressor or some issue or some work problem. But when you then go and you turn it around and you try to and you go and help somebody, it just gets you away from that and what you get back is so much more than what you actually give. So service to others is really the key, and it might just be your own children.

Blake:

I talked to a lot of dads now after being divorced and going through all this and I really try to incur. I don't encourage them, I just flat out tell them I don't care what you have to say about their mother. It's your responsibility as a father to to be fully engaged and invested in your kid. Don't acquiesce to some control that's trying to, you know. Take your kids away. Don't just. Don't just say, oh, you know, okay, whatever, I'm just going to walk away and go golfing. Don't just say, oh, you know, okay, whatever, I'm just going to walk away and go golfing. Go get in with your children and create a new relationship with them.

Blake:

Learn about four or five things that your kids love to eat and go on a rotation and cook that thing. Cook those meals for them. Don't just necessarily take them out. My kids to this day will say I make the best spaghetti on the planet and it's garbage. It's garbage spaghetti. It's Prego with ground Turkey and some garlic salt, right, but they, but they say dad makes the best spaghetti. Why is that? Because the whole experience.

Blake:

Take them to the store, teach them how to teach them how to shop. Teach them about the Vons club card, where you, if something is always on sale. I used to tell my kids all the time okay, the cereal companies have a deal with grocery stores and every cereal company for one week will have their cereal on sale Kellogg's Post, general Mills, whatever it is. So when we go to the store that week, we're getting whatever the one is that's on sale. You're creating life with your children. Don't sit around and rag on their mom in front of them. They hate it. They don't want to do that. Fathers need to be like, relentlessly encouraging to their kids to go out and take risks.

Ilona:

Not everybody's a good father, just like not everybody's a good mother.

Blake:

That's true, but what I'm saying is I get frustrated with my guys. You know I play beer league softball and they talk shit about their wives or their exes or whatever and it's like no dude. You have a responsibility to do that. You can have a great relationship with your children without sitting around ragging on and making excuses. Don't just give up that responsibility. And fight for your kids and it's in California. I mean you know how hard it is to get children full-time as a father in California.

Ilona:

Extremely, unless there's domestic violence, drugs, alcohol, some sort of abuse.

Blake:

I'm just saying focus on you and your children and full engagement. And getting back to what you were saying, Just do that in a selfless way. You don't have to go help homeless people. That's just something I've just had a heart for.

Mila:

And creating the relationship and the culture. I think every family has like a culture and that foundational culture stays with you your entire life. So whatever you're raised in and you know, and nowadays 50% of families are split, so kids have two cultures, right, but I think the culture with the dad is just as important, if not more important in some ways.

Blake:

Creating traditions. And I mean I lived in a two-bedroom apartment. It was in Del Mar, but I lived in a two-bedroom apartment across right next to my kid's elementary school for nine years and I had a huge master bedroom and so at first I had the boys in their room with bunk beds and I had Hallie in my room and I had a little separator thing, a little curtain for her, so she had a little privacy. And then she got older so I'm like, okay, you need to go have your own room now. And I moved.

Blake:

Cooper in Troy went, troy left to go to college and and we had our special little. You know, we do our barbecue weekends down at the community pool and and kids don't care where they're living, they really don't but if you have a warm environment we'd have slumber parties in the living room and but but again, it's it's like you're talking about, it's the culture that you're creating and the little traditions. We drive by. I live off of Delmar Heights and we'll drive by, going to the beach, me and Cooper to this day, down the street from where our old apartments were, and he goes Dad when I get done with college. I want to get a job and I want to go move into Bella Del Mar Apartments.

Blake:

So it's just the relationship that you have and the special little sheets and blankets and jammies and all those things I mean. But I guess my point is is that I even told my lawyer, I even told Bill Benjamin. I said I want you to have my best, my children's best interest in mind ahead of mine.

Ilona:

That's a healthy perspective.

Blake:

Because you can lose focus of that when you're particularly when you're in the middle of that divorce.

Ilona:

Yes.

Blake:

You do some weird things and you do some things that maybe are even outside your normal character, but if you have people that are reminding you you've got to stay focused on what's in your best interest of your kids. You actually create a pattern and to this day, I mean we don't even have a custody arrangement anymore. Create a pattern and to this day, I mean we don't even have a custody arrangement anymore. It's done Like the full-time thing. It's not even relevant anymore because my kids are all adults. But my kids' best interests are still. That's still my focus.

Mila:

Well, thank you so much for joining us. It was such a privilege to have you and learn about your life and your work and how you find purpose in everything that you do. It has been a privilege to have you on as a guest, but I do want to find out what happens soon with all those cases for the victims you're representing.

Blake:

I'll let you know. I'm under a gag order right now, oh, okay, but I will let you know. And we're hoping to have a resolution, a global resolution, within the year.

Ilona:

That's the hope, but that's about all I can say how is that going to change the lives of the people you represent?

Blake:

For some it'll be absolutely life-changing from a resources standpoint and others, hopefully, it will be life-changing from a standpoint of symbolic, that somebody is finally taking some kind of responsibility and accountability for what happened to them.

Mila:

What an incredible conversation. A huge thank you to Blake for sharing his journey and insight.

Ilona:

If you loved this episode, don't forget to like and subscribe. It really helps us grow and bring more amazing guests your way.

Mila:

And hey, if you have a guest you'd love to hear from, slide into our DMs or drop us a message. We are always looking for inspiring stories to share.

Ilona:

And don't forget to follow us for the behind-the-scenes content and updates.

Mila:

Remember, success isn't just about glitz and glam. It's about the grind, the hustle and the passion behind it all.

Ilona:

Stay inspired, stay motivated and we'll see you next time on the Glamorous Grind.

People on this episode

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Ilona Antonyan

Co-host
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Mila Arutunian

Co-host
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Blake Woodhall

Guest