The Glamorous Grind
The Glamorous Grind is where bold legal minds meet unfiltered conversations. Join hosts Ilona Antonyan and Mila Arutunian—powerhouse attorneys at Antonyan Miranda—for this dynamic podcast as they dive into headline-making lawsuits, past cases, and the hustle of balancing career, family, and ambition. With fascinating guests, including celebrities, business leaders, and former clients, Ilona and Mila keep it raw, real, and always glamorous.
The Glamorous Grind
Divorce 101: What to Expect & How to Protect Yourself
Thinking about divorce or already in the thick of it? In this episode of The Glamorous Grind, Ilona and Mila break down everything you need to know about navigating divorce with clarity, confidence, and class.
Ilona—certified family law specialist—walks us through the entire process: from recognizing the red flags that it might be time to leave, to the step-by-step legal timeline, child custody, financial division, and how to protect your peace during one of the most emotionally charged experiences in life.
Mila brings the real questions and relatable insight, while Ilona brings expert answers and grounded guidance. Plus, don’t miss our signature segments:
- 🚩 Red Flag / Green Flag: Signs it’s time to go
- 📰 Headline Breakdown: Are celebrity divorces changing marriage?
- 💌 Let’s Get Gritty: Listener Q&A
- ✨ Glam Tip of the Week: Reclaim your power, your space, and your sparkle
Whether you’re considering separation, already in the process, or supporting someone who is—this episode is your must-listen divorce survival guide.
Want more glamor during your grind? New episodes every Tuesday. Make sure you are subscribed on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
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Welcome to the Glamorous Grind where law meets lifestyle and the drama is always legally binding.
Ilona:Today we're pulling back the curtain on one of the most misunderstood and the most emotional legal processes divorce.
Mila:From the moment you start thinking should I leave To the paperwork, the court dates, the custody and the healing.
Ilona:This is your crash course on what to expect, the custody and the healing. This is your crash course on what to expect. We'll break it down from start to finish. Talk about red flags and what it might mean, when it's time to go and how to protect your peace through the chaos.
Mila:No guests this week, it's just the two of us. So let's go deep and give you your free consultation on what to expect when you're separated. So I think a lot of people, when they file for divorce, they have no idea what to expect, which is why we're doing this episode right, like a free consultation. Talk to us about once you file, like once you file the paperwork, what happens? Do you have to go stand in front of a judge and talk about anything? Or, you know, is it? Is it less formalized than that?
Ilona:Just because you filed for a petition for divorce to initiate the case, all you're going to get is a case management conference or a status conference in six months, which is the judge who wants to know. Okay, do you serve the paperwork? Are you guys negotiating any settlement terms? Do you need to go to mediation? Is there a discovery exchange of financial information happening? So, just because you opened up a case, nothing will happen. You're not going to have to appear in front of a judge unless you make a specific request for relief and ask for a court hearing in front of a judge asking the court to make child support orders or spouse support orders or attorney fee orders or attorney fee orders or any other relief you need.
Mila:So that happens if you file for divorce and you have to go through the process. But what happens when you resolve it privately? You discussed mediation. How does that look?
Ilona:You can go to mediation at any time. It's also a good idea to exchange settlement offers before you appear in court to see if you can resolve it through what's called stipulation and order. Stipulation is just a fancy word for an agreement and that agreement then is turned into an order because the judge signs off on your agreement. You don't have to have a judge decide of what the order should be. You agree and decide what the judge should sign to be in order.
Ilona:For example, if you're trying to negotiate child support or spouse support or attorney's fees, if there's no court hearing on calendar, it may take a long time for you to negotiate and possibly not reach an agreement. Maybe you will, but in case if you don't, there's a hearing on calendar, then you go and you get it done. It's good to go to mediation, but you should make an informed decision, knowing what your rights are. If you want to give everything away to your spouse, 80% of it or 60% or 70%, that's absolutely fine, just as long as you know what you're entitled to and you're doing it knowingly and voluntarily, with material facts disclosed to you.
Mila:So mediator is a third party, neutral, that comes in, listens to both sides and kind of advises and tries to resolve the situation, right, yes, so in a divorce proceeding, who pays for the mediator? Because they charge on an hourly basis, right, yes, so in a divorce proceeding, who pays for the mediator Because they charge on an hourly?
Ilona:basis right, they do. Usually the spouse that controls the money advances the cost subject to allocation, meaning they'll pay for it, and then at the end, when you're dividing the assets, the parties may agree that they'll share the cost of the mediator 50-50, and it's going to come off from some bank account or equity that's in the house, or generally the one that has more money pays for it.
Mila:So let me ask you a question that I think a lot of people would want to know In the meantime, while all of these negotiations are happening, what's going on with the money? Because I know in a lot of situations, you know, a woman or sometimes a man doesn't work and then they decide to file for divorce. Regardless of which party decides to file for divorce, a lot of times they'll have to move out separately. Sometimes they stay together, but there are costs that need to be paid, and if one of the parties has no income, how do they pay for those costs while the divorce proceedings are ongoing, before the financial situation is resolved?
Ilona:Well, it depends If sometimes the spouse who controls the money will continue paying all the bills and giving you same unrestricted access to the credit cards and bank accounts so you can spend what you want on life. So you have no incentive then to go to court. And bank accounts so you can spend what you want on life. So you have no incentive then to go to court and file for child support and spouse support and attorney's fees. But I mean you may still have an incentive because you know what exists to divide it. In other cases, if the other side is not so nice to give you unrestricted access or limits on what you can spend, then you should rush to file for child support and spouse support and attorney's fees so that you can have representation, so you can get the child support award that's guideline minimum in California and spouse support award.
Mila:How long does the motion usually take Is?
Ilona:it a motion. It's a motion. You have to file a request for an order so the judge can make an order From the moment you file it. It takes about 60 to 90 days to get a hearing date. If you settle it in advance, great. If you don't, then you go and the judge will make an order based on the financials that you've presented, both yours and the other side.
Mila:This is a question that's always in my mind when I see a partnership that's falling apart and one partner makes money and the other one doesn't. What if they completely cut off their funds? And that person, if it takes 60 to 90 days to get a motion on calendar to get spousal support or child support in that 60 to 90 days, get a motion on calendar to get spousal support or child support In that 60 to 90 days, how are they supposed to survive? And the spouse that cut them off and is not paying them during that time? Is there anything punitive you can do to them for being so unreasonable? Because divorce changes people. From everything I've seen, people can get really nasty in divorce.
Ilona:I've seen people can get really nasty in divorce. That is true. Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is appear ex parte, that means on emergency basis, explain your situation, that you have no means to live and support your children yourself and ask for the court to advance the hearing date to be heard sooner. It's called order shortening time, so just advancing the hearing from 60 to 90 days whenever it's scheduled to be sooner, maybe in two weeks If the court denies the request. If you don't have exigent circumstances, then you will just have to borrow money until your court hearing date or ask for public assistance, unfortunately, or ask for family and friends for help.
Mila:What's blowing my mind right now? And I'm an attorney, I have a doctorate degree, I passed the bar on the first time, but a lot of this stuff is going over my head because I've never practiced in this field. So I can't imagine as a lay person coming into this if you can't afford an attorney. I can't even fathom how scary and difficult it must be. And I know there are services that the state provides and the counties provide and things like that, but it's just it feels like it's so complex and so difficult.
Ilona:The best thing you can do if you cannot afford a lawyer is go to court and make an appointment with Family Law Facilitator's office. They're going to give you the forms packet to fill out. They'll do their best to help you fill it out. They have law students volunteering and they're managed by a supervising attorney. At least you'll get something filed and get it on calendar to get a court hearing date.
Ilona:It's best to do something than nothing, because if you don't take action, if you don't take a day to go and get those forms and file them, just let the time pass by, even if the other spouse is going to be non-cooperative in the process. As long as you get the paperwork filed and get it on calendar, the court preserves jurisdiction back to the date of filing your petition. That means you're preserving the time back to the date when you filed your petition, that even if your hearing is in 90 days or in 60 days or even in a year let's say somebody really delays the process you can get your child support and spouse support back to the date of filing the petition if you asked for it and checked all the proper boxes, and that's why the Family Law Facilitator's Office will help you with that and every courthouse and every county in California has that Family Law Facilitator's Office to help people who cannot afford an attorney.
Mila:Okay, so now we'll play red flag, green flag, so I will be asking questions and you tell me if it's a red flag or a green flag. So the first question I want to ask and I see this all the time, especially from coming from, you know, an ex-Soviet, middle Eastern-ish background people don't want to get therapy, people do not want to get therapy. So your spouse refuses to get therapy but keeps telling you they're going to change Red flag or green flag. Of course it's a red flag.
Ilona:To get. If they really want to save the marriage, you can file for divorce or legal separation. If you don't want to get divorced, and then they'll have a real talk and they'll go to therapy or they don't. If they go to therapy, great. The reason why in California we have a six-month waiting period is to allow people to reconciliate, meaning get back together if they want to work out their marriage. You can keep your divorce or legal separation case active for three years and do nothing other than just have a petition that's filed and open and try to work your marriage out. That's also if you want to see if they're serious, serve them with divorce papers or legal separation. Maybe then you'll know.
Mila:It's important to know like marriage is hard. A lot of people think, oh, I'm not going to get therapy because we can just figure it out. But marriage is freaking hard. It is hard to share your life with someone because we're all individuals and then you throw a few kids into the mix and it's just like chaos and then financial issues and inflation and everything else. Like marriage is very hard. So I think that people think, oh, we'll figure it out. You're not going to figure it out and anything you're not changing. You're choosing.
Ilona:Well, we're also presuming that therapy will help. First, you have to have a really good therapist. Second, even if they go to therapy, are they open-minded? Is this a person that's self-aware, or is it someone who is in denial and always blames you? Maybe they have a personality disorder and nothing they'll ever do will be their fault, and it's always you. You have to maybe go to therapy yourself and see is this the right situation for you to be in? So if someone is not wanting to go to family therapy, go to your own individual therapist and make your own decisions about who you are.
Ilona:How do you want to live the rest of your life? Because we only have one life to live, and if you're 50, if you're 30, whatever age you are, think about how many more days you have left to live. How do you want to live those days? How do you want your children to take part in your life? And what sort of environment happy, sad, constant drama, fighting, you know. Is this how you want to live the rest of your days when you're old? Do you want your kids to look back and blame you for keeping them in that sort of environment? And it's really up to you. You may be fearful to be alone, but, like my grandfather said, it's better to be alone than just to be with anyone. Because if you, you're just with anyone, and if your husband or wife are not the same person that you signed up for, if you went on a date with them now you're like I'm not going out with you again. If they're that, then you know, think about what you want.
Mila:Well, and I think that's important too, that people change. No one is going to stay the same, you know, and I think a lot of times in marriage, years down the line, well, you're not the same person I met. Yeah, that's normal. And you can either grow together or you grow apart.
Ilona:Right, that's absolutely correct. I think I sound like a big proponent of divorce. I'm not. I think marriages are great if you are in the right relationship, but when you are so unhappy and it takes the life out of you and it takes away from the life of your children, you know. Just before you make a big move, seek professional help, see an individual counselor, figure out who you are, what you want for yourself and or your kids, and don't be scared because things will be okay at the end of the day. Divorce is not easy, but you'll get support along the way and come out better than you are now if you're suffering.
Mila:Okay. So next question Red flag or green flag? You have kids and you want to stay for them, even though your marriage is no longer working.
Ilona:I would say it's probably a green flag. Honestly, if there is no domestic violence, then if you can live with it. Live with it because psychologically I think it's probably better for the kids if you can do it. But if you're so unhappy that it's poisoning the energy in the home, if someone is screaming in front of the children, if there's toxicity that's in front of them, get the hell out, like right away. Do not tolerate it. Do not tolerate any physical violence towards you or your children. Thrown objects, screaming. That all creates trauma for your kids and for yourself, and then you absorb it and becomes a norm. All of that you just got to cut it off. But if you're just not happy because there's no more romance, you know the passion is gone. That's just normal, unfortunately. It's normal.
Mila:Again, like there are a couple kids in. And I saw this meme, it was really cute. It was like this old grandma and grandpa and I was like how did you stay together for so many years? And they said we basically got divorced like seven times or something, some crazy number. They said that you know, there were times in their 60 year marriage where they just hated each other, couldn't stand each other, didn't talk, and then they did again. And I think, at the end of the day, you know, humans do feel most humans desire companionship. And again, if it's not toxic, is it settling? I mean, I feel like in modern society everyone has this concept that, oh, you have to be happy, you're not going to be happy all the time. Life is hard. Like you can be unhappy, you have to be happy, you're not going to be happy all the time. Life is hard.
Ilona:You can be unhappy single or you can be happy in a family. Choose your heart. Yeah, it is. If they're a really good parent, then yeah, it's probably worth sticking through Through boring times.
Mila:I mean, it's also like you only get your kids for 18 years and you miss out on half their lives. If you get divorced, you know best case scenario you get half custody, you miss out on half their lives. So those are all just things that need to be considered and weighed when making this decision that I think in modern society people don't really think about. I mean, I've been married almost 13 years, believe it or not, and it's like to me, marriage is a partnership more than it is a romantic relationship and of course there's romance and there's love and all of those things. But once you have kids, it's a daily grind. It's like you wake up, you have breakfast, lunches, dinners, outfits, you know who's taking the kids to school, who's wiping the butt today, who's waking up with a baby Seeing what size they have grown and what else you need to buy the butt today.
Ilona:Who's waking up with a baby seeing what size they've have grown?
Mila:or what else you need to buy, amazoning it all day long. So it's like sitting there like I I'm sorry if you don't have that in control and taking care of your actual partnership of running household duties, then who cares about? Like romance is such a secondary thing to me. I again being married many years. We're in it, we have small kids, but like that's the last thing.
Ilona:We look romance is nice to have, but reality is that it disappears and I kind of don't care about it anymore either. I'd rather just I mean, maybe we should not have that on. There are certain things you don't care about as much anymore because other priorities take over in life and everything comes in waves right Different stages, enjoy every part of it and then you know when. If you waited later in life to have children, you probably got all that out of your system. If you had children young, then eventually if you're unhappy now, you'll probably get that all out of your system later, when your kids are grown. But I believe that it's best for children to have stability. If both parents are great parents, you owe a duty to them to raise them the best possible, and what happens in your sexual life or romantic life, that is not their problem.
Mila:I think it's also I mean just from a personal perspective it's highly undervalued of like there is also a romance from seeing your partner Be a good parent to your kids.
Ilona:I don't think men see it. Maybe we as women see it that way. I think men see it that way.
Mila:I don't know. We'll have to ask our viewers. We'll have to do a poll.
Ilona:I think, men see, if you still look good and if you're attracted, they look at that too, if they're attracted to you.
Mila:You can tell me that men don't see their wives or partners being loving devoted moms.
Ilona:They may say they don't appreciate. You know how many men I see who cheat on their wives, and just if they're great mothers. I mean, come on, in our own culture, do you think that men really appreciate that very much? It just becomes a norm. People just naturally take things for granted. We just do as humans.
Mila:It's easy to become adapted to good things, it's hard to become adapted to bad things.
Ilona:You know when bad things happen to us in life, you realize how much you appreciate other good things, good moments, right, that's why life is up and down and that's when we learn our lessons is when things get rough.
Mila:Oh yeah yeah, it's called fuck around and find out. Hearing about this really makes me feel even more strongly about the partnership that you know our office is making with One Safe Place, which provides services to victims of domestic violence. Because you know, all of these divorce issues are so complicated, but you throw in domestic violence into the mix, especially, you know, being a victim of that. That in and of itself is so difficult to walk away from. But in addition to that, then having to deal with all of these crazy legal obstacles to just get away from a spouse.
Ilona:If you cannot afford a lawyer full scope, meaning to represent you in an entire divorce proceeding, you can hire an attorney or even a paralegal their paralegal services to draft the paperwork for you and get it filed. So you have it. You get it going, and then there's legal advice. Okay, what are your rights about property division? What assets exist, what do you know about what you don't know about? And how do you get information about what you don't know about? And that's the discovery process that attorneys can advise with.
Ilona:And then there's custody visitation and for anybody who has children, that's the most important issue, and people normally find the money, even if they don't have the money, to fight for their children. It's kind of like when I was doing criminal law, when, early in my career 20 years ago, people that you wouldn't think had money would find mattress money to come and defend themselves in criminal law proceedings. I think the same thing happens when it comes to children, and because this is the most important issue and people don't want to lose their kids, have you ever had a case that really affected you as a mom that involves kids?
Ilona:Yes, it is the case that fortunately was resolved about a year ago, and it was a case that I thought there has to be justice served in this one. Before I die, because I would hate to just know that nobody heard this child and nobody heard my client. I think we're going to have her as a guest on our show. I became her lawyer in 2019 after she represented herself in a family law proceeding. She went from having 100% custody of her child to losing it just because she was in front of a different judicial officer. That took saw the case different and she's a very good woman. My client was a doctor. She's smart. I love her as a person, but in court she was not the same person. She was out of court because it's hard to be the same when you're fighting for something in court. She was not the same person. That she was out of court because it's hard to be the same when you're fighting for something in court.
Mila:It's emotional, it's very hard to step outside of yourself, yeah.
Ilona:And she was in her mindset. She was a mama bear that's what she called herself, but she was too much of a mama bear for the court's liking, yeah, and it backfired on her and she lost custody, her and she lost custody. And it was a battle, a five-year battle, where, unfortunately, the child was a victim in all this, and when the ruling was issued last year, it was the most touching and I don't know how to describe it, but it was life-changing for that family. It was life-changing for me as a lawyer too, like a great relief, like thank God, that this child is finally back with her mom, because her mom was right the whole time, in my opinion, and nobody heard the child when she was trying to explain how terrible her life was with father, with whom she was placed, but nobody believed her because my you know my client wasn't liked. So nobody listened to the child and all that my client was doing was repeating what this child was telling her because she believed her child Like I would believe my child.
Ilona:Yeah, children sometimes maybe exaggerate things, but when they say the same thing over and over again and you, you know the other person because you live with them or you know their propensities. You know you. You would go and repeat. I think that's what normal parent will do. You should go and tell the court what it is and that's what she did. But that's the case where this child has not seen her mom for years. After adhering after a mom represented herself and years into it were fighting for custody and visitation and it was a difficult battle she was finally reunited with her, and for good, I believe stuck with me as a mom.
Mila:He said you know, it's one thing if you don't see your child because you don't want to or you don't have time, but when someone tells you you cannot see your child, it's a completely different feeling.
Ilona:You feel crippled and I think it's important to bring angry angry and then you go to court and represent yourself being angry at the orders that are made. It's like it doesn't matter if I'm a lawyer and I know what to do in family court. If it was about me, I wouldn't be my normal self in court. If it was about my kids the thing when it's about those sensitive issues, it is truly best to have an attorney who will put it eloquently in front of the judge than the way you would expose your raw emotions about how you really feel about everything.
Mila:I mean, I deal with similar issues in the employment law context just because people when they lose their jobs is the same thing, I mean, and a lot, of, a lot of times, these people are also parents and they all of a sudden don't know where their rent is going to come from or how their kids are going to eat.
Mila:So it does become extremely emotional and it is our jobs as lawyers to manage those emotions. But I do think it's important to note that. You know, in the legal context, this is such an important issue that I feel like doesn't get talked about enough is that judges cannot always be neutral. Right, like they're supposed to be neutral, they're supposed to look at a case from a neutral perspective and make a neutral finding. But you know, at the end of the day, everyone has their emotions and their you know preconceptions. So, you know, in a situation like that, where the judge made a judgment on the mom based on what the judge was seeing and not who the mom actually was Like, it's important to. I think our judicial officers need massive implicit bias training.
Ilona:They get it. But in family court, we know that you may get a different ruling from one department to another depending on who the judicial officer is, Because, whether you want to or not, we're not computers. We're all humans and everybody does bring their own experiences and opinions as to how they are going to raise their kids and what they think is right or, if they don't have kids, what they believe you should do.
Mila:So it matters who your judicial officer is, in a way, and you can't know that unless you have an attorney. Correct, which is why it's so imperative to if you can, however, you can take out a loan, but have someone who is able to represent you if you're going through this process, if it's complicated, right, like if it's very contested and there are kids involved and it gets dirty it's much better to have an attorney represent you than it is to try to represent yourself.
Ilona:Yes, especially when it comes to protecting your children, because when you're going through a divorce and you're a victim of domestic violence, it just becomes normal and then you may allow access to the other parent to your children who will continue abusing them, whether it's verbal or emotional or other abuse. And sometimes the best path could be to get them help first, to take parenting classes or take anger management classes, take domestic violence classes before they have access. They should earn their right to be a better parent. Some may want it, some may not. I think another difficulty is that there are a lot of single parents. Access. They should earn their right to be a better parent. Some may want it, some may not.
Ilona:You know, I think another difficulty is that there are a lot of single parents, whether it's a single dad or single mom. It is difficult to be a single parent when you have a job and mouths to feed and then you can't even afford a lawyer. I've seen that in court. Once I remember I was walking through the hallway and I saw this single mom with a newborn newborn who was crying and she had two other children and she yelled at them and that was before I had children and I just thought, oh my God, she's treating her children so terribly. I'm like she should be reported child welfare services. This is child abuse. She, you know. She hit the one kid and then she was yelling at the other and I'm like, oh my God, I can imagine what's happening in her house and how these children are treated if that's how it is in the hallway. So of course, I just like stared at her, giving her dirty look and she kind of told me, off off, but I don't know what to do. Okay, are these kids going to be better off without their mom and with some strangers? Or are they going to be better off with the other parent who is over there in the in front of a judge and she's probably waiting for them? I don't know. You can't make that decision, because what if she's just having a bad day? She just needs to get sleep or she needs some emotional support or she needs some help. But she's a really excellent mom. She's just having a really shitty day. You don't know that.
Ilona:It's easy to judge just based on that, but ultimately you have to get the full picture and that's what's important. When you come in front of a judge, you have 20 to 40 minutes on calendar generally to have the judge form an opinion and know your story, make an order. That's going to impact you for the next possibly year or a couple of years or even six months until whenever you return to court 20 to 40 minutes to make an impression. All the paperwork that you filed before that telling your story and evidence you submit in support of it will help the judge make that decision. So it is extremely important and how you carry yourself in court is very important. If you lose your cool in court, that's going to impact the order a judge will make or was going to make. It could change the judge's opinion about what the order they were going to make based on the pleadings.
Mila:That's the irony, like real narcissists are able to not have emotions.
Ilona:That is true.
Mila:To be controlled, so a lot of times you do have these situations where one party who is just very emotional and you know like a really great person potentially is emotional it comes off as worse than a narcissist who is able to maintain their cool.
Ilona:That happens so much, it happens so much where, like in the guests we're going to have coming on our show, that's what happened to her. She was real, she was raw and she was telling the truth. The other party could influence anybody, from police officers to supervised monitors to all professionals involved, because he was always so nice and so sweet but what was happening inside the home was not in the best interest of the child and she knew best, the child knew best, but nobody believed him because he was like that. And another case I've done recently I took a deposition of this guy, history of domestic violence with multiple women. But he's very likable and when you question him, you talk to him, you can see how he can manipulate women, he can manipulate lawyers, he can manipulate the court.
Ilona:If you just have 20 to 40 minutes with that person to make an impression, it's going to be a different impression than years of story, years of experiences, negative experience someone has lived through and who is more emotional, who is more raw, who can really tell it well, without seeming off balance relative to that other person, who may have a personality disorder, other psychological issues and, as we, you know, many know those who have grown up in homes where they've experienced domestic violence normally are repeated. That's not always the case, but that happens. Some children learn from it and want to be better parents and not do the same thing, not repeat it. But I think that percentage pales in comparison to where it's repeated in the household.
Mila:So for someone going through this right now you know they're learning they will have a 20 to 40 minute window to make an impression on the judicial officer. What is your best advice to them?
Ilona:Well, dress professionally to court. Keep your cool. Do not shake your head, make noise or act crazy in front of a judge. Be respectful In your pleadings. Be as detailed as possible. Do not exaggerate, do not lie. Tell the facts as they are. Be chronological meaning. Put the dates. Include supporting evidence with your declaration. Don't just say things happened. Explain when they happened, who was present, who was there and do you have proof of important information that would help the judge believe you more than the other side, help the judge believe you more than the other side.
Ilona:So generally, before custody and visitation hearing, parties go to mandatory mediation before they can appear in front of a judge, and this mediation is not someone you have to pay, it's free. Through court. Both parties appear and then a report is prepared in the reporting counties and in non-reporting counties there is no report. If you don't reach an agreement, then you just go in front of a judge. So the judge needs evidence your declaration explaining why it is in the your children's best interest to be with you and for the other parent to have a visitation schedule. If it's about support child support, spouse support or any financial issues, explain what your understanding of the financial issues are and what supports that understanding? Because you have to give the court evidence. In financial situations. It's going to be, you know, supported with tax returns, pay stubs statements, bank statements that show deposits. Submit it together, refer to it in your declaration, just like number it.
Ilona:Okayhibit one is my tax return. Okay, I believe he makes $200,000. Here's it's based on 2024 tax returns. Here's a copy. Or you know, he hit my child. I don't have any audio evidence or video evidence, but I have a photograph. Or maybe you don't have a photograph. If you have one, attach it if there's a bruise. If you have one, attach it if there's a bruise. But you have a witness, somebody who saw the bruise. Okay, the following witness saw this, or I shared it with this person and you put the name in now you can ask for a witness.
Mila:Statements, right? You can ask for witness declarations as well.
Ilona:So as much evidence to support what you're saying. He is a detailed declaration explaining why you should get the relief you're asking for and then supporting evidence. So the court believes you.
Mila:Over the other side, Two things you said there that deserve to be emphasized. I think number one is that don't lie or over exaggerate, because I think a lot of people will go into and this happens in every legal proceeding, no matter what field it is. You know people want to tell their story and there's a lot of emotions involved and they may not have any malicious intent in over exaggerating. But you know, if there are gray areas, keep those out, because all of those things could be used against you later. If you're caught in a lie in a family law matter, I can anticipate that would be really, really bad news over 75 percent of people in california cannot afford to have a lawyer and they're self-represented.
Ilona:Unfortunately, a lot of lies go unpunished and the best thing you can do against that is gather written photographic evidence to support your claim from the beginning. So when the court makes initial orders, you start off on the right foot, because if you come unprepared, if you don't have your documents, you're going to get an order you're not going to like. They'll be too low when it comes to child support it They'll be too low when it comes to child support. It's going to be too low when it comes to spouse support. That may not be fair or in the best interest of your children, because you didn't have time or ability to articulate it in writing or verbally in court. Some people are good in writing, some people are good speaking, but if you're coming to court for a first time and presenting new evidence you're not put in writing for the court to consider in advance. The court will not consider it, most likely if the other side objects.
Mila:I think it's interesting Family law and criminal law are the only two fields of the law where you don't really opt to be part of it. Right If you're filing a civil lawsuit, I mean, unless you're a defendant. But you kind of you know you get to choose Do you want to file a civil lawsuit or no? But in criminal you have to defend yourself and in family law you have to defend yourself or bring the case against your spouse and figure out the legal system. As a lay person that's tough.
Ilona:The day you have children. You're pretty much signing up to be in family court if something is not going to work out, whether you're married or not, because whether you're married or not, if you have children, child support may be at issue at some point, until your kids turn 18 or 19, if they're in high school and custody visitation, so you sign up for it. People don't think about it, but that's the reality. So pick carefully who you screw with.
Mila:I read an article that said celebrity divorces are on the rise. I mean, some of the ones I've been seeing are crazy. So in your opinion, is marriage dead?
Ilona:No, I think people want to be romantic and getting married is part of that romantic story. Think people want to be romantic and getting married is part of that romantic story. The reason why I believe celebrity divorces are on the rise is in part because celebrities have totally different lives than we do. It's not like it's 1950s where you stayed married and maybe husbands did what they wanted and had affairs and wife stayed home and just tolerated it. Now people don't tolerate that sort of stuff.
Ilona:Everybody's their own individuals and a difference with celebrities is they have assets to protect. They may not spend as much time together because if they're traveling, if they have bookings out of the country, there is not as much time for developing the relationship versus when you just look at someone else and have hots for them because they're this perfect person on a TV show or in a movie somewhere, and then you start living with them and you smell their dirty socks and you know what they're like when they don't take a shower or whatever else and you really see their real side. Maybe that's not what I really wanted or signed up for, but it depends how long you date.
Mila:That's a huge part of it that, again, people don't think about. Marriage is not like cute Instagram pictures and wedding dresses and like happy moments. Marriage is like morning breath and all of the bad habits and all of the baggage that every person has. You see, you see, you see. So, unless you can tolerate that and are willing to tolerate that, marriage is probably not for you.
Ilona:I mean for celebrities. Is there really a point to get married, and you'll have a prenup? Most likely that's a good idea. But even with prenups, people can still try to litigate them and cause one part of it to be unenforceable or a certain provision to be void. So it's risky to get married may sound romantic, but is I don't know if it's a good idea. If you have money, a lot of money, somebody can go after to get married, especially if you are an older celebrity with younger people, like for, for example, I am kind of disgusted by what's his name.
Ilona:What's the old guy that just had kids? Robert De Niro? Yeah, robert De Niro. He used to be my favorite actor.
Ilona:Now I don't like Robert De Niro anymore because he's gross. Not only does he have children that are older than us, but he now has a child with someone younger than us. That's like in her 20s. He's like an 80-, 80 year old guy sleeping with 20 year olds. That's nasty. Now I think there are certain things that are nasty and guess what? You know where the punishment comes in for someone like that? Not that he deserves to be punished, but technically it's like a rape, because you're well, they're adults, but you're like there were kids when he was grown up. It's kind of nasty. Forget all that. Let me just rephrase it from professional perspective.
Ilona:Okay, like someone like Robert De Niro, who you know he'll sleep with anyone who will sleep with him. But the nasty person who doesn't care is sleeping with an eight year old gold digger, obviously, because really who would want to sleep with him other than his money right now to have a baby with him? I mean, it's not the baby's fault God bless the baby but the nasty girls who go after old farts to have babies with them to get their money. I mean the guy is going to end up in court and be paying child support and a lot of it, and that already has happened. I think I've seen articles where she was asking for a lot of money right away, like shortly after the baby's born. It's like you're an idiot, you want to have some sex. I'm sorry, but you might as well then just have a I'm pretty sure they're not having that much sex.
Ilona:Yeah, it's like she just got pregnant and had a baby with him to get money.
Mila:But yeah, it's like she just got pregnant and had a baby with him to get money. But how stupid men are. So we have a question from one of our viewers that we want you to address. Our viewer asked how do I protect my kids emotionally while I'm going through divorce?
Ilona:I think it's a good idea to get them into therapy so they understand that the divorce is not their fault. Therapy so they understand that the divorce is not their fault. In different counties there are different programs that are for the children where they have support groups with other children, that whose parents are getting divorced, and there are also parenting groups that, if you're co-parenting, that you can attend to better deliver the breakup of the marriage to your kids. But how to help them is do not involve the children in the middle of your court drama. The courts normally make an order to not expose the children to court papers or any court information. Now many people cannot help themselves and they still do that. But obviously that's best for the children not to be worried about your problems, because it creates a lot of anxiety inside. Get them a therapist if you can Take them to their therapy appointments. If you can't make time to drive them, get them a virtual one and stay out of their therapy appointments.
Mila:Don't butt in and be in the background and insurance will cover a lot of therapy appointments.
Ilona:Yes, and ask them do they like their therapist? Because some therapists are good, some are not.
Mila:you know, it makes a difference I have a friend who, like just a shout out to her she's amazing because she's going through a really nasty divorce and they have three kids and she's going through it like the guy's an alcoholic. It's awful and every time she talks to me about her divorce she makes sure her kids are not around. She will never even though he's put her through hell and back and continues to do so she will never, ever say one bad word about him in front of the kids.
Ilona:That's the best thing. Do not bring your children to an attorney's office. Do not talk on a speakerphone about your divorce with anyone friends, family or your lawyers when your children are in the car. Do not expose them to anything, even if you want to be the good guy and know what's going on. Just don't do it. It's not good. They'll figure things out on their own. You know when I say that do not expose them.
Ilona:Sometimes the parent needs to find out what's happening in the other parent's home, and, although you may not want to question the child, if you hear them mentioning something that's questionable or problematic or raises concerns about their safety, possibly they're being neglected, they're not fed, they don't get clean clothes, maybe someone's girlfriend is mistreating them, maybe there's a mean dog that's a danger to them, maybe there are drugs in-house anything then of that's different Then you should find out what's happening, because you have a duty to protect them. But again, do not exaggerate. Really, get to the truth, and if your child says something to you that you can possibly confront the other side about through text message and email or in person, depending on who they are then do it. If you feel like the child is going to be punished because you asked them and they told you and they're scared that the other parent will be upset with them because they've told you something, then there's a different way to go about it.
Mila:And I think there are sensitive ways to dig into that, without you know, keeping in mind children's proclivities to you know, exaggerate and probably please you. There are sensitive ways to ask those questions that are not leading.
Ilona:And also delivering the message, like if a child says something to you. I can see myself just like sending a text right away in anger, like did you do this and that? And it sounds it will sound confrontational. So I think the best thing is to stop yourself and not send the text. But you know, find a, maybe write it in your notes and and then read it next day or edit it or ask chat, gpt, make my text message sound nicer, and it will.
Mila:Yeah, I will do that. Do you know? Abraham Lincoln had this thing where every time he would get mad at someone, he would write a letter, put it in the mailbox and his wife would take it out and not let it be sent, and as a result he had like the best relationships with everyone. Later he found out that she did that and he realized it's like a thing when you're mad at someone, you write them a letter, put out all of your rage and then don't send it.
Ilona:No, I didn't know that. But I guess what you can do nowadays with emails and is send it on delay to someone else and then cancel it if you change your mind or edit it oh, that's too risky or email it yourself to yourself.
Mila:No, don't I like the chat.
Ilona:GPT-ID.
Mila:Divorce might break your heart, but it doesn't have to break your glow.
Ilona:So my glam tip create a divorce ritual or just burn all the stuff that belongs to your ex, Cut the cords, clean your space, donate the stuff that carries the bad energy and reclaim your home. Or make a vision board New goals, new vibes. It works. Divorce is hard, but it doesn't define you. It can be a new beginning, a better beginning and an end to what no longer is good for you.
Mila:And we're here to remind you that, even in a time that feels like a grind, there's always room for a little glam Subscribe to keep us part of your glam routine. See you next time on the Glamorous Grind.
