The Glamorous Grind
Where grit meets glamour, and the law is always in style.
Hosted by attorneys Ilona Antonyan and Mila Arutunian of Antonyan Miranda LLP, The Glamorous Grind delivers bold conversations at the intersection of law, lifestyle, and mindset.
Each episode features riveting stories from inside the courtroom, celebrity interviews, and real-life legal battles that shape lives and headlines. From empowerment and entrepreneurship to manifestation and vision boards, we explore the hustle behind the glam with fearless insight.
No topic is off-limits! Expect unfiltered talk on relationships, mental health, success strategies, and building your legacy.
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The Glamorous Grind
Custody Battles from Hell: Shocking Family Law Stories
Ever wondered what happens when a decade-long paternity secret explodes? When custody battles turn into psychological warfare? Our latest deep dive takes you behind closed doors into the most shocking family law cases that still haunt veteran attorneys years later.
The episode opens with a jaw-dropping story of a married man who paid hush money for ten years to a woman claiming he fathered her child during a one-night stand. When her financial demands became too excessive, she revealed everything to his wife. Despite the betrayal, the couple sought legal help together, leading to a paternity test with an unexpected twist - he wasn't the biological father at all. This case illustrates how paternity can be weaponized in devastating ways, while highlighting the importance of legal verification.
We also explore a heartbreaking custody battle that emerged after a mother's sudden death left her infant caught between two potential fathers - the biological father who had been involved throughout the pregnancy and an ex-boyfriend who had signed the voluntary declaration of paternity at the hospital. This complex case reveals how legal paperwork can sometimes trump biological connections, at least temporarily.
For parents navigating their own custody challenges, we provide practical advice on establishing paternity rights, using communication platforms that maintain records admissible in court, and understanding how children's preferences factor into custody decisions. We examine how psychological evaluations, while intended to provide expert insight, can sometimes create more problems than they solve, especially when they come with $90,000 price tags and lead to years of additional litigation.
Whether you're currently involved in a custody dispute, know someone who is, or simply fascinated by the complex intersection of family dynamics and law, this episode offers valuable insights into protecting yourself and your children in even the most challenging circumstances. Share your own custody story with us - we're building a community where these difficult conversations happen with honesty and compassion.
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🎙️ Hosts: Ilona Antonyan & Mila Arutunian
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My client knocked up another lady while he's married and he kept it secret from the wife for like 10 years. We had to do paternity testing. What if the one night stand lied to him?
Mila:Welcome back to the Glamorous Grind where ambition gets glam and sometimes family law gets downright outrageous.
Ilona:Today's episode is about custody battles from hell Cases I still think about. I felt like Mari Povich show. Is he the baby's?
Mila:daddy. So grab your strongest espresso, or something even stronger, because you're gonna need it. In your experience, have you seen a case where people have weaponized paternity disputes against the former partner?
Ilona:Absolutely. A few years back I represented a man who was married. He was happily married for a long time. He had an affair about 10 to 13 years ago, so not that happily. Yes, they were happy until she found out, the one night stand, that he had resulted in a child being born. He had two children with his wife. He did not want his family to know about this. The one night stand threatened him that she's going to tell his wife, she's going to tell his family, she's going to ruin his family unless he pays her X amount of dollars. He was paying her off year after year for over 10 years until one day she requested so much money that he could not afford to maintain his household and pay her. So she did call his wife.
Ilona:Of course it was very painful to find out that not only does he have a child from another relationship, but he has lied to your face and to your children all these years and you feel like a fool. I mean, it's a terrible betrayal. So they showed up in my office as a family unit to try to resolve this. So she stayed with him. She stayed with him and I advised them to do genetic testing, because what if it was not his child. What if the one night stand lied to him? He didn't even know. He just took her word for it that that's his child. He did not sign voluntary declaration of paternity when the child was born. So I recommend that we do genetic testing because the one night stand never filed a child support case through Department of Child Support Services. She never filed any sort of action through court because he was just paying her on the side and I said let's get paternity testing done.
Ilona:If it is your child, you're going to be paying child support according to whatever it is based on your income under the law. We have mandatory guideline minimum in California. We'll plug in her income. We'll plug in your income. We'll find out what she earns, what you earn. We'll put it all in. We'll figure out what you have to pay. I bet it's going to be less than what she's demanding right now. If it is not your child, then you have no legal obligation. You pretty much lived in fear for 10 years and periodically saw this child. That's not yours, okay.
Mila:I really need to know the ending of this story. Come on, get to it. Was he the father?
Ilona:We filed a paternity action to determine whether he is a father, and you have to then go to a genetic lab hair follicle test, blood test and ultimately she was not cooperating, she was not bringing the child. Eventually she brought the child, we got the genetic testing. It was not his child.
Mila:Oh, my God.
Ilona:So I had both of them came to my office the wife and him and I had to deliver the good news. I felt like Mari Povich show Is he the baby's daddy? And I had great results to deliver the good news. I felt like Mari Povich show Is he the baby's daddy? And I had great results to deliver to wife.
Mila:We're laughing, but like this is tragic, it is.
Ilona:I was happy for them because they they were able to move on. They went to therapy and they saved their marriage. Now, did he feel stupid that he wasted all this money? Yes, did they get a divorce? No, by the way, if they would have gotten a divorce, the wife could have received a reimbursement for all the money that he paid secretly for 10 years, because it would have been a breach of fiduciary duty because he was using joint funds, community funds, to pay. You know something she didn't know about, but it was a happy ending.
Mila:Well, I have the father and it only cost them hundreds of thousands over 10 years. I have the glass, half full portion of that story? Yes, I bet you he never slept with another woman again, or he wore a condom. That is an expensive ass lesson man. So this is all well and good to talk about these outrageous stories, but let's talk about real people. What actionable steps can people take to protect themselves in situations like this? As to paternity, what is the law around it?
Ilona:Well, I'll start with men. Men should obtain a copy of the voluntary declaration of paternity that they signed at the hospital. Most of the time, people are not good at keeping paperwork, so a way to get it is to go to Department of Child Support website. Just Google DCSS voluntary declaration of paternity and it'll tell you the instructions and a link how to get it and have one on file together with your birth certificates and other important paperwork.
Ilona:If everything is all in well and you're together, you don't need to stir up trouble and open up any family law case or paternity action. But if you're at the point when you break up and any parent begins to manipulate give me money versus you're not going to see your child or playing games and prevents you from seeing your children, then you should file a paternity action. It doesn't matter if you're a woman or a man. It doesn't matter If you're not married and you share children and you have any sort of custody disputes and disagreements. It's important to have a case pending to establish paternity, Whether you agree that both of you are biological parents or not. Initiate the case and serve the other party, because then no one can run away with the children from the state of California without seeking court permission or agreement from the other party. You cannot change your place of residence and you will need to get permission from court, so that's important to protect yourself.
Mila:And I think it's important to note that it's just as important for women in these situations to get a court order, because if you're living with someone and they move out, but they're the father of your children, you're still entitled to child support.
Ilona:Child support is a different subject and who is entitled to child support depends on the relative income of the parties. It doesn't matter if you're a mother or father. Your gender doesn't matter. What matters is how much you earn. What affects child support is who has more time with the children and who is the highest earner, and there is a formula. We plug in the incomes of both parties. That would be wages, salary, self-employment income, passive income, rental income, income from investments. Who pays for health insurance for the children or yourself? There are other tax deductions and adjustments. Who pays for child care? There are a lot of different factors that go into the formula. Who pays for child care? There are a lot of different factors that go into the formula and based on percentage of custody with each child.
Mila:the program mandates what the support should be, but let me ask you this A woman can't enforce an agreement for child support without a paternity judgment.
Ilona:Men or women cannot enforce a child support agreement that's verbal, that's written through a text message or email or something they've been doing as custom and practice, unless there's a court order. To get a child support order, you have to have a case open. If you're not married, it'll be paternity action. If you are married, then if you don't want to get a divorce, you could file for legal separation and then get child support orders. Custody orders you may file for just custody and visitation and support orders without getting a divorce. It's a separate petition that can be filed. Alternatively, if you want to go through a divorce process similar to legal separation process, except for what it's called at the the end you're legally married versus legally separated, but anything related to sharing custody, the process of getting custody orders and child support orders are identical, so it's just as important for men and women to get the paternity judgments if they're unmarried, correct okay.
Mila:so let me ask you this If two people are not married and the father is listed as the father on the birth certificate and then they decide to split and live separately, what rights does that father have to his children?
Ilona:Is it like a normal custody battle as if they were married, or is it more complicated than that it's more complicated procedurally because just because you're on a birth certificate doesn't mean paternity has been established through court. For you to go and get custody rights, the first step for that father would be to file a paternity action Now would you recommend that fathers do this, even if it's uncontested, even if the mom admits you're the father.
Mila:Let's do this amicably. Could they just execute an agreement for custody, or does this need to be established first?
Ilona:on how you're going to share the children after parents who were never married have separated and someone doesn't follow it. If you call the police to enforce it to pick up your children, if there's no court signature on it, there's no case number, there's no stamp on the top of that agreement that makes it enforceable as a court order, the police cannot do anything. They'll tell you go to court. And when you go to court you have to open up a case, get a case number and go through those steps of establishing paternity.
Mila:If for example, a man were to come to an ex and ask to go stipulate to the court that he is the father, that may raise some adversarial feelings in an otherwise calm situation. Have you seen this in action?
Ilona:Yeah, I've seen it a lot in action. I'll tell you about a case that he handled early on in my career that I still remember. It was very interesting because there was a couple, they were super in love. They went on a very romantic limo ride. She got pregnant Some limo.
Ilona:Then what happened was they broke up. She was pregnant, the child was born and when the child was born she went back to her ex-boyfriend from a while back. That ex-boyfriend was sterile and could not have children. But what the mother had the ex-boyfriend do is sign at the hospital on the voluntary declaration of paternity that serves as if he is conclusively a father. If you sign that, that's it. You're conclusively the father. So the ex-boyfriend signed at the hospital because she was broken up with my client. So my client files for paternity action to obtain custody rights with his son. He threw out the pregnancy, he gave her money, he did baby shower, everything was good until shortly before the child was born and they broke up. So he had proof, he had receipts that he was there the whole way. He went to the doctor's appointments with her. He was very excited to have his son. They chose the name together and everything Did. She end up naming him that name, son. They chose the name together and everything Did. She end up naming him that name. Well, it gets worse than that. Within a month after the child is born, the ex-boyfriend, who is not a biological father, signs that he is the biological father. Mother goes for a run on a stroller and dies. She just falls dead. She's in her 20s Now.
Ilona:The action that we litigated in court was between the boyfriend, who is not the biological father, who now had the child and he was raising this child as his own, while my client was simply prevented from participating in a child's life because the mother was hiding from him, was with that ex-boyfriend in a child's life because the mother was hiding from him was with that ex-boyfriend. And not only that, during that one month she got a restraining order against my client so that he would stay away from her and from the child. So it was a big mess. And this was before the law has changed, for which it is now. Now a child can have more than two parents. But in this situation the case proceeded between the ex-boyfriend and my client and we had to do a lot of legal briefing, long trials, grandmas, witnesses, everybody testified. The judge took it under submission and after that we got a ruling. My client won. He got custody of his son.
Ilona:It was very, very emotional. I actually had videos pop up on my phone. It was like 10 or 14 years ago. I just recently got a haircut and my hair looks just like that 10 or 14 years ago and I'm in that picture holding this child that he finally got custody of. He was like this cute little chubby kid. How old was he by that time? By that time he was about over a year, a year and a half old. He looked like he was three. He was a pretty big kid, but it was very rewarding to me to have helped him through the journey. The ex-boyfriend ended up not having any rights. It can be really messy and the voluntary declaration of paternity if somebody signs it carries a lot of weight. Now, of course, I had to prove that it was entered into fraudulently and we proved that, and, just like any other legal case, if you can prove fraud, you can undo things. Yeah, oh, that's heartbreaking.
Mila:If you can prove fraud, you can undo things. Yeah, oh, that's heartbreaking. Instead of doing our traditional red flag green flag today, I want to hear from you, as an expert in the industry for 20 years, what are some red flags you look out for when you're signing up a case and it comes to custody?
Ilona:I want to make sure there's no frivolous or restraining order pending before the court against my client or whether my client wants to file a frivolous one against the other side only to obtain custody advantage. I'm very much against that. If there is good basis for it, go for it, because it is important to protect the safety and welfare of the children psychological, physical, et cetera. If it's a BS restraining order filed against my client, we're going to fight like hell to make sure that they lose and that we expose them. Unfortunately, it does a lot of damage to the child's life for however long it may take to get to trial on this restraining order proceeding because the person's access to children could be restricted, it could be supervised visitation, it could be professionally supervised visitation and it's just not good for the kids.
Mila:What about a green flag? Do you ever see anything in a file where you're like wow, I can use this to nail this case?
Ilona:Sometimes people use Talking Parents or Our Family Wizard, which is a communication platform for parents sharing children. So instead of taking screenshots of multiple text messages between them to show the tone and mean text messages between each other, they communicate through one of these platforms. It's very easy to ask the client to download a PDF of all the communication and then you can see when someone wrote a message, when the other parent read it, how long they ignored the other parent, what sort of subjects they ignore them on. And then there's also an ability, through those apps, to filter the tone. They have a tone meter, meaning if your client or the other person is rude in their communications and disrespectful to the other parent, if they have this tool, then you can tell them hey, red flag, now Don't send that message because, remember, everything is for court's eyes, this can be used against you in court.
Ilona:The app actually warns you. If you sign up for that feature, it'll warn you if your tone is bad, because when they use one of those apps, they know that eventually either party can use it against the other in court. So, as an attorney, if somebody comes to me and complains that you know they don't read my messages, they don't respond, they ignore me. He calls me bad words. If someone is stupid enough to do it in writing whether it's in text or talking parents or however then we get that information, we look at it and we show it to court because it's important.
Mila:You know, I have these like dual feelings towards that, because part of me feels like it's very manipulative to like use an app to make sure that you look good in front of a court, but the other part of me is like divorce is so contentious, custody battles are so contentious and it is so important for the well-being of a child to be professional in your communications and to not speak out of emotions. So in a way, I feel like that kind of looks out for the best interest of the child by keeping the communications between the parents somewhat civil.
Ilona:Look, people really often want to curse each other out because they fight over a lot of different stuff, but when they know that whatever they write to each other could be used against them in court, the judge may be reading it and judging them based on one mean text message and impact your custody and visitation rights. So you really have to be mindful of how you communicate with the other parent.
Mila:So in one of my favorite books, how to Win Friends and Influence People I think it's Abraham Lincoln that he would, whenever he'd be mad at someone, he'd write them a letter and then not mail it and then go approach them in a very civil, diplomatic manner afterwards, but he like needed to get it out. So he would always, whenever he'd get pissed off, he'd just write a nasty letter and just put it away.
Ilona:Well, he didn't have a delayed email setting, I guess. Yeah, it was Abraham Lincoln days. Well, I didn't have a delayed email setting, I guess, because Abraham Lincoln days. But what made me think about, as we were talking about writing on these apps and speaking in a way you otherwise would not want to, but for knowing that the court may see it and judge you based on that communication is a book I read recently Atomic Habits.
Ilona:It talks about you know, you just do a little bit each day, right, start small and then it becomes a habit. And technically you're building a habit because, although you don't like it, once you start talking nicely to each other, or at least in a neutral tone, because you're fearful that it could impact your custody or visitation rights and you'll be judged by the way you communicate. If it's used against you in court, then it could become a habit that that's just the way you do it, how you feel inside. Deal with your therapist, don't put it in writing.
Mila:Best advice I've heard all week. What other custody issues do you see in your practice, aside from the paternity issues? What?
Ilona:custody issues. Do you see in your practice, aside from the paternity issues? Paternity issues are just a small part and beginning of custody battles that often last 18 years. Sometimes it's something as simple as at what time are we exchanging, fight over the exchange time, exchange location, even when they have a court order, if it's somewhat ambiguous and they play games with each other and dislike each other and that creates a lot of conflict.
Mila:Question Do courts generally ever ask the kids?
Ilona:what they want. The courts will ask the children what they want once they are over a certain age, once they're over age 14, the court must hear from the children, if they want to be heard, as to their preference on custody. If they're under 14, the court may hear from the child depending on their maturity, their age. Also, the court has to make sure that their emotional state is protected and that any exposure to court proceeding, whether it's testifying in front of the judge, is not to their detriment. So there are a number of factors the court must analyze, but if the child is over 14, any party can let the court know the child wants to be heard and then the court has to decide how they're going to hear from the child. Is it going to be in chambers? Are the parties going to be able to hear what the child is saying about them, or will only lawyers be allowed in chambers and then parties may hear?
Mila:to see the transcript I don't know what would be worse as a kid to have to testify in front of your parents or to do it secretly to a judge. Both sound pretty scary.
Ilona:And sometimes children are appointed minors. Counsel and information can be obtained and presented to the court without the children testifying, so there are other methods of hearing from them. That is a 730 custody evaluation, where you hire a forensic psychologist to interview the children, to interview the parents, to observe the children with each parent and then any other third parties that may be involved. The children have a therapist, a psychologist.
Mila:Is there a case that you can think of where you had to deal with psychologists and kids?
Ilona:Yes, it was a very messy case. In fact the 730 valuation caused more trouble than it was worth. The parties and that was years ago paid over $90,000 to the forensic psychologist. They had 50-50 custody initially, then mom got 100% custody, then father got 100% custody because they kept going to court and ultimately 730 evaluation report came out $90,000 later and the report was not favorable to one of the parties. That led to over three years of litigation and the psychologist's report three years later became stale. But the court kept referencing back to a lot what was in there and because the client didn't have a lawyer initially when the report came out, a lot of bad facts and pieces of the report became part of the court order prematurely because there was no lawyer to object to prevent some of that from coming into evidence and becoming part of a temporary court order which damaged, I think, child's life, without giving the parent due process, full right to expose and poke holes in that report and demonstrate how this expert, for example, listened to this witness but ignored the favorable testimony towards this parent, one from another witness. So selective inclusion of certain witness testimony in the report that's damaging and exclusion of favorable information.
Ilona:Also, when it comes to psychological evaluation. Lawyers need to have a good understanding how to question experts about the psych reports that come into the full report from the custody evaluator. You need to subpoena the underlying tests and the notes of the psychologist Because if you just rely on the report you receive, that could be 100 something pages and you just look at the conclusion where the findings are, and you try to make it quick without really digging into it, you could miss a lot of information. As part of psychological evaluation, parents may get diagnosed with personality disorders and that's where the power of effective cross-examination and poking holes and confronting them with their own documents from their file and knowing your facts is very important.
Mila:So during the three years when this was in litigation, was the child in the custody of the parent who the report was favorable towards.
Ilona:Yes, what happened in this case? When the client was not represented by the attorney, the judge rubber-stamped the custody valuation prematurely and made it an order of the court. The court and then, because it was made part of the court order, that order with terrible findings that were selectively included in the actual court order that was a matter of public record by opposing party's attorney, haunted this person for next nine years and, I think, ruined the child's life and childhood. And I think ruin the child's life and childhood. Okay, glam Fam, your glam tip isn't about contour this week, it's about court. Always look, put together Judges, notice. It doesn't have to be designer, but it has to say I'm stable, I'm capable, I'm not chaotic.
Mila:Even your manager and pedicure tell a story in family court Neutral collars, no revenge outfits. When you look put together and intentional, it radiates out and could mean the difference between keeping and losing your kids.
Ilona:Save the red for your lawyers. Have you or someone you know been through a custody nightmare? Drop your story in the comments or DM us at Glamorous Grind Podcast. We want to hear it all. This show is for you.
Mila:We want to share your stories and next week we're talking about the legal implications of IVF and embryo adoption. Don't miss it.
